Fall is here! Brrrrr

 

 I guess we can say fall is officially here!

It's chilly out here today..its about 58 degrees..I LOVE IT!

I enjoy the fall sooo much ..it's like it has a certain smell to it to let you  it is here... You see leaves on the ground and it lets me know that Thanksgiving  is around the corner.. I can just go outside with a sweater or jacket and walk without having to feel like I am going to die of heat exhaustion...Anyways..

I am a upset right now because I decided to take a trip to Target so that I can get my daughter a couple of outfits because mostly everything she wons is small on her..(She wears uniform to school thank god) So I decided to wait till Ben got home from work so we could go , we ended up taking all 3 kids since his mom was at work and anyway I felt the kids would be happy to get out...

Worst mistake... My oldest son decide to cop attitude the whole time,  he is 10 yrs old and I just dont know what to do with him.

Basically he is the type of kid who would ratherbe inside all day either watching tv or playing a video game... So everytime its time to go out he catches a fit.

He doesn't like to play with toys they have soooo many that just sit there he wont go outside to play ball or anything...

This has been going on for about 2 yrs now at first I thought nothing of it but now that he is older I realize there might be a problem.

At times I hear him mumbling to himself and I ask him who is he talking to and he tells me his imaginary friend....Is this healthy for a 10 yr old to still have an imaginary friend??  I know he has been doing this since he was alil boy about 5 and I know kids at thatage do tend to make imaginary friends but still at 10?

I am so beside my self about what to do... He doesn't like the dark he is always scared of things like being in the bathroom with the door closed or closing his bedroom door at night...

When we are around a huge crowd he gets very uptight and he has the only fear of riding the subway(that I know the reason why..one day while rriding the train with my sister a group of guys started beating on  this one kid and he got very nervous but my other children were also there and did not get affected this much) I also notice that he gets angry when things do not go his way or if someone yells at him he will start pacing the room with his tightly closed and mumbling to himself...

Why .. What is going on... What can I do???? Is it for attention or is it a more serios issue???

So today he was upset because we did not buy him a video game or movie ..I have put a stop to all video games in this house they have become too attached and as for as Tv they get 1 hr in the morning and 1 hr in the evening from now on... and they are to earn their rewards because my children have grown accustomed to us just giving and giving and they DO NOT appreciate it....

It CAN NOT be that my son is emotionally disturbed because has had a healthy childhood I mean we are not perfect parents but there have been nothing out of the odinary in my children's lives.  He has not witnessed abuse, drug use , alcohol abuse, violence in anyway, and nothing has been done to him that can mess with his emotions and mental stability.. I just dont know why he has all this anger and whats up with this mumbling??

I try my best to be a good parent.. I dont smoke drink party etc.. All my time is devoted to them, all our money is spent so that they have what they need and want... I try to take them out as much as I can(when money is not tight) I talk to them I do homework with them....The only thing I do admit is that I rarely play games or toys with them.. But even that I am trying to changeI have created family night where theycan choose what we do together..

I do not like to hit them but when they get out of hand YES I will spank them... But I am the type who counts to 3 and then starts all over again when I get to 3... until they really keep it up and then I have to take action...I will repeat myself over and over again and the 50th time I will get up and spank.. Mostly they are punished though and even that I am not consistent becuase I feel Bad,... I will tell them are punished for 1 week and by the first day they are playing with toys or doing whatever they want because I hate to see them like that..

So its not like they are abused on the contrary they are getting away with murder at times..

SO he had this attitude and started mumbling and so on and at one pt he and my daughter started bickering back and forth and while my back was turned he must have flicked her in the face so she starts crying and I am at the register paying for the stuff so Ben decides to address the issue and instead of talking he decides to hit my son in the stomach .. so my son starts crying and throws himself on the floor and now I am really upset.. 1. at my son for having an attitude ..2. at my husband for deciding to address the sitautin like that and 3. because we now have everyone looking at us...

So I tell my husband there is a different way to handle it ( I mean cmon be for real!)   and he says he is tired of just talking and talking and the children not listening....He says that I just let them get away with everything and that is why they act the way they do.. I admit I have spoiled them and at times they do get out of hand and I have to spank them but spanking themand then hitting them like they are adults is different.. SO now I am not speaking with my huisband until he goes and talks to his son and let him know that that was not the right thing to do and it wont happen again but my son has to learn how behave himself.

They respect my husband more than they do me and he hardly evwer raises his hand to them all he has to do is talk 1 time....He says that he gets tired of me complaining to him about how they give me a hard timeand that is why he hit our son today ... I complain because I need to vent there are times when its heard being a parent..but it's not for him to think that I want him to hit them like that... and thats what I want him to understand.... Anyway so the whole ride back home my son is crying and I am telling him that I am tired of him actimg this way that it can not keep on ..I explain to him that I would do anyhting for him and that I am trying so hard but he is being too hard headed and its not getting us anywhere....SO he has his fist tightly closed just crying and I am geting frustrated by the minute I dont know what to do!

I want him to know this kind of behavior can not continue,....So we get home I take everyhting out of his room the tv the cable the playstation the toybox even the wall stickers anything that made the room look nice and I told him until his temper and attitude change it will come back..

He still continued with the fist thing and the mumbling , so he got a spanking from me and I explained to him he was getting spanked and how much I didnt want to do it but he leaves me no other choice....

I told him if he wanted to talk .. to please talk to me and he goes and covers his face with his pillow so that he doesnt have to hear me .... So I took the pillow away and tell him until he apologizes he will not get the pillow back.... Bed time came he wants the pillow I tell not to he apologizes he say "sorry" I say say sorry for what and he says sorry for putting the pillow in my face" and I said Ok'  Then he say I love you goodnight and I tell him good night I love you"

I do love my son very much but I need to know what is going on with him.. I think I am going to take him to a therapist and see if he feels better talking to them because I want my son to be a healthy child and grow into a successful adult.....maybe he just needs to talk to someone...He is too serious like an old man trapped in young boy's body I just want him to let go and enjoy his childhood go out and play make friends do childish things.... Where did I go wrong I ask myself???

He is soooosmart he gets all A's in school.he does homework every night he passes all his test I have been told he needs to be in a gifted program... but he just has this anger thing and I want to help him...

ANy advice pleaseee

As for my husband I am not speaking or sleeping with him tonight i know he is only trying to show them disipline he is a great dad and they love their dad so much but sometimes he goes overboard and I am not going to allow it..... I know he feels bad now but still he needs to apologize to our son aND let him know we love him and will always be there for him no matter what!

 

Goodnight all and take care!