Just Tired

I'm back .. Finally have some time to add another entry. I posted 2 pics of my daughter going to her first prom (Kindergarden):)Yes they have proms even earlier now.

I want to thank the 2 people who have left comments to welcome me to J-land.

I really hope that I can meet some really nice people.

As for as today it was pretty uneventful.... cleaned up my house ..waited for Ben to come home from work and went to do some grocery shopping...I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN SPEND 200.00 on basically a few bags of groceries..its ridiculous!

I cooked ...Ben was happy as I was on strike for awhile only making quick simple 1 min meals for about 2 weeks now.

But as you girls all should know we sometimes need a break from the line LOL...

Today I was thinking about if I might have been to harsh with telling my mother that I didnt want her coming around...

This always happens to me anytime that I get angry and calm down afterwards I feel so bad because after all she is still my mother.

I just want her to know she is not going to continue hurting me.

Its like I want so much for her to recognize my accomplishments but all she sees is that I have 3 kids and I had them young.

I have tried so hard to have her be proud of me .. Yes I dropped out of high school when I was 16 BUT i also made sure that I got my GED while I was still 16.. Yes I had my first child when I was 18... BUT I took care of my child on my own and moved out of her house to my own apartment by 19 and maintained my own place for all these years never having to go  back home...Yes I didn't work until my last child was 4 yrs old BUT my kids never lacked anything because my hubby worked hard as hell to make sure that we had what we needed and more..I finally went back to work and college when my daughter turned 4 and went to school and all she had to say was that I was neglecting my kids and not spending enough time with them (WTH)So I took a break after 1 yr and a half of working and what she said ohh you need to help your man with the bills...It's like I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't..

No I do not own a house .. No I do not own a car...

No I do not have a huge savings account but damn you I have given everything in me to my family and made sure that my kids do n ot go without .. I have given them thinngs that I NEVER had! I have put a steady roof over their heads since they were born unlike her....I can go on and on but still I try to make her proud..

When her friends ask about her us .. she starts bragging yea my son he has 2 cars he bought a house in Long Island ..He makes good money ...as for me all she has to say Ohh Steph ohh she's doing ok over there with her 3 kids..

She even had the nerve to tell me ohh your sister is already  20 unlike you she cose to keep her legs closed and stilll has no kids..

All this I keep bottled up inside and it bothers me so much...

About 6 yrs ago after I had my daughter I was diagnosed with panic/anxiety disorder so I take zoloft to control it... at this point I don't even think the Zoloft is working.

Don't get me wrong my mom can be a good person and thats what she uses against me, like the last week I was down to my last dollar so she came over and brought a couple of groceries for the kids..Snacks and what not.

Anybody have any advice???

 

Man I need a normal family... One where we can all chill together and all chip in for dinner without the hassles and drama! "SIGH"

I have so many things to on my to do list it's not even funny...

You know what's funny the other day I received a letter from the medicaid department telling me that my case was being investigated for fraud WTF.. I have never committed fraud in my life... could it be that my ohh so darling other sis in law gave birth and put my address so that she could receive her daughters social security and birth certificate becasue she had just lost her apartment and she needed an address.. I don't know but I am assuming that this could be it unless someone stole my identity and applied for medicaid...HMMM makes you think! So now I have to go down there with proof of who resides in my household birth certificates social the whole nine..Its going to be a pain in my arse thats for sure!

I ran out of Zoloft so here I am going on 2 weeks without so you know I am about to flip..LOL

Well I prob bored you guys to death lol.. I'll be sure to add more interesting entries as I go along..

I am going to see if I can read some journals befre bed..

Ps. How come when I save this crap the font looks soooo small but as I am writing it its the perfect size??

Take care and Have a good night!