Things will get better....Right????

The Mom Online Poem

I can hear them calling...so they are fine
"Where's Mom?" they are saying...Don't they know I'm online?

We're hungry I hear...I tell them please hush
Mom is online now, what is the rush?

They had a bite yesterday...when the phone lines were out
These kids will drive you crazy, Oh look, a pout

I dispense bowls of cereal, as I download a file
No time wasted here...I'm a true computerphile!

I check out the boards, and respond to a few...
"We're so bored", moan the children, "What can we do?"

I tell them to stop, and please do not whine...
Can't they see that their mother is busy online??

The grumbling continues as they wander about
"Mom's ALWAYS on the computer", together they shout

Unawares to me, they yank the phone line from the jack,
and say "Daddy's right, this is the way to get Mommy back!" True Story :)
 
LOL LOL LOL This has got to be true of most of us:))))

Today was another uneventful day..  I went to do my grocery shopping as I was down to nothing in this house.  I didn't even have salt and when you run out of salt thatmeans its TIME to go buy some food.  I spent 240( I get foodstamps and NO I am not ashamed to admit it....It helps alot in my family so thats all that matters) and I still didnt get everything I needed...I still need to buy my meats but they were so expensive in the new supermarket I went to(10.00 just for a pack of chicken legs DAMNNN) So I'll finish up in the supermarket by my way. I came home cooked some Beef Stew with Corn on the Cob, Carrots, Potatoes, and Pumkin served with  White Rice MMMMMMM MMMMM GOOOD!

I think I may have Insomnia...I CAN NOT sleeep at night no matter what I do.  It' terrible. I toss and turn, I'll get up read, I clean up, I'll watch a movie and by the time I fall asleep the sun is coming up which pisses me off because then I am tired.  I am thinking about asking my Dr. to prescribe me Ambien but then I get scared to take them.  I worry that if one of my kiddies need me in the middle of the night I won't be able to wake up.  So I dont know what to do.  It's been so long since I had a good night's sleep. 

Lately I have been feeling down and depressed.  It feels like things get harder and harder each day that passes.. At times I feel soo overwhelmed that I just want to run away. I found myself crying this morning because it's like money is soo tight right now...I am not used to this...No matter what we do it seems like we are always broke! My rent is sooo high its ridiculous!! I just moved in here last year and it seems that ever since I moved in here everything we have goes straight to rent and bills. I am the type of person who likes to go out and have a good time, I like to take my kiddies to movies , restuarants ,or bowling and its been a while since I have been able to do that.  Kids are getting bigger which means new wardrobes. Kids are getting older which means more attitudes and new personalities.. which is driving me NUTSS.. It feels like all we have is bad luck because as soon as I think things are getting better I get slapped in the face with another issue.  I dont know how much more I can handle.. I work , take care my kids, come home do HW ,cook and clean.  I feel like I have no energy anymore... I see myself getting annoyed and cranky more often and this is not the person I want to be which gets me even  more upset. Sometimes Ifeel like all he cares about is his work..you know he can come home and know that the kids have done their Hw , have taken a shower ,have eaten dinner and are in bed because I HAVE MADE SURE THAT IT HAPPENED.. I CAN NOT COME HOME AND JUST RELAX..I AM A MOTHER AND WIFE 24 HRS A DAY.....I GET THEM UP IN THE MORNING I HELP THEM GET DRESSED, I MAKE BREAKFAST AND I GET THEM OUT THE DOOR ON TIME....ALL HE HAS TO DO IS TAKE THEM TO SCHOOL..I PICK THEM UP. All I ask for is little more help with them.Don't get me wrong I am not shitting on him to try and make him seem like a bad parent. He is a great father...but like all men he can get lazy because he knows that I am here to do it. Which FRUSTRATES THE HELL OUT OF ME!!!  I am just soooo tired and nobody seems to understand that becasue MOMMY is not supposed to be tired we are supposed to be SUPERWOMEN. Not only that but I also sense tthat there is something missing in my relationship.  We havent had the time or money to go out just the 2 of us and we rarely are intimate. I dont know if its the lack of privacy or if the relationship is getting boring. I love him to death and would never consider being with anyone else but does he feel the same? It's just so much and I really have no one to talk to... 1 is that I dont like people around me knowing my business becasue they're quick to throw it in your face later and 2 is that everyone just thinks that I am whining and complaining.   So that is where this journal and you guys come in..:))

BUT I have faith in the Lord and I know things have to get worse before they get better. Knowing that at any point my life can change just keeps me hanging on that and the unconditional love I have for my babies. I'll fight tooth and nail just to make sure that they do not suffer even if it means me having no energy and an ulcer :)... I know there are people who are worse off than I am and who are making it work and are happy so who am I to complain??? I just hope that my day comes soon.

Thank ya'll for lending an eye instead of an ear LOL.

GOODNIGHT AND TAKE CARE ALL...