We had it out!

                             

I feel so relieved right now.  I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.... I'll explain why now.

We woke up this morning as usual to get the kiddies ready and off to school, Yesterday morning the kiddies were perfect angels but today it seems like everybody woke up on the wrong side of the bed. WE all had attitudes...SO of course nobody knew where anything was..mind you they know that upon arriving home from school they are supposed to take off their stuff fold it if its clean and put it neatly away for the next but NOOOO its not ever done in that order...SO all you hear is Where is my tie?? Where is my shirt?? Thats my shirt ..NOOOOooo its not its mine... MOMMY I need socks...MOMMY tell him to move...MOMMY I cant find my shoes....MOMMY tell kaitlyn to get out of my room! and so on and on....Mind you there are discrepancies in the sizes of these clothes... As for my daughter she is pretty good when it comes to dressing herself but she lovesssssssss to take foreverrr...She wants to read, draw, color, and write before she is able to get dressed so of course I have to keep on repeating KAITLYN put that away, Kaitlyn get dressed, KAITLYN YOU CAN NOT READ WHILE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH.... I'm telling you this happens every single day... so of COURSE I am freaking frustrated at this point because we are like 15 mins behind schedule and in my world 15 mins is alot!! I still have breakfast to make and hair that needs to be combed, shirts that need tucking, ties that need to be straightened and sneakers that need to be tied! So I am yelling LETS GOOO MOVE IT!! Mind you dear darling BEN is soundly asleep I can not believe that he can calmly remain asleep through the chaos, I finally reach  my breaking point and I tell WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING...I should have never asked..He wakes up in a bad mood and I dont know if he was half asleep and dreaming about somebody else but what comes out of his mouth is not something that I care to repeat... SO now I am reallypissed off , I bite my tongue not to contradict him in front of the children...BUT OMG INSIDE I AM SEEETHING WITH ANGER..HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT!!!!

Finally I make him take them to school and all the while I am rehearsing all the I am going to tell him once he walks in..I am going to give him a piece of my mind! He walks in and I tell him "You do know that what you said was very uncalled for... I say" I know I told you to wake up and do something but that was NOT the something that I wanted you to do! He says "you wake me up in the middle of a deep sleep telling me to do something what else d o you expect.....now that no one is home I feel free to argue and argue is what we did.

I let him know everything I felt, everything that I have been holding deep inside. I told him that I am tired of being just a woman that he's been with for 10 yrss. I want him to make me feel the way he did when we first started give me the attention that he would give someone who he had just met.. I said I bet if you met someone tomorrow you would wine dine and romance her to let her know how much you like her and want to be with her RIGHT?? I say I am tired of you just coming home expecting the kids to be taken care of, the house to be cleaned and dinner ready. I am sick of you just coming home, barely saying hello, you go take a shower and plop yourself in front of the tv and expect that when its time to go to bed that I am going to be ready to get intimate... HELL NOOOOO I am not going to be just your sex partner. I says "what happened to the flowers ..your ass works 1 block down from a flower place..what happened to a card just saying how much you love me..what happened to you taking me out and NOOO I dont freaking mean to Target when its time to buy stuff for the kids and the house... I want to go out without you saying OHHH you just want to go to a restuarant and eat! and make me feel like I am some damn fat pig!! I tell him this is no relationship, especially not a relationship that I want.. I want someone to make me feel like Im sexy..someone who lets me know that I am pretty or beautiful... what happened to all that..I ask you 'How does this look or how do I look..your response is always the same ..."you look fine..you look alright..you look good. I DONT WANT TO HEAR THAT I WANT TO HEAR BABE YOU LOOK GORGEOUS, OR BABY YOU ARE THE SEXIEST WOMAN THAT I HAVE EVER MET.... SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES. i even brought up the fact that obviously something is very wrong in our relationship when he felt he had to look ellsewhere.. I told him that I regret ever telling him that I could forgive him for stepping out on me because honestly no I can not easily forgiven  and its not going away as easy as I thought it would. He says then maybe we shouldnt be together and I say you know then maybe we shouldnt... I couldnt  care either way.....I lied I do care I do love him and I know he is a great man but I think that somewhere along the line he grew too comfortable with me so uch so that he feels he doesnt have to wine and dine me... He starting knowing the type of person that I am , someone who never followed through on anything so I feeel that the reason it was so  easy to step out on me was because he kind of already knew that there really wouldnt be any true consequences to suffer..WRONG !! The way I see it is that he thought  that I wasnt going to leave him, after all in his eyes I NEED him...I have 3 kids where am I going with 3 kids ..how can I support 3 kids and pay rent and bills without him....and you know what for a minute I thought I did feel that way , that I needed him that without him my world would crumble but you know what I CAN SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM..I'LL MAKE IT SOMEHOW...BUT I WILL NOT LET HIM DEGRADE ME AND TAKE ME AS A FOOL..SOOO NOOO the reason I didnt leave him was not because I couldnt  make it without him the reason I didnt leave him was because I love him and everyone deserves a second chance, because up into this bullshit that he got himself into he was the best man a woman could ever ask for!...BUT let me tell you one thing if your ass ever decides to go that route again your ass will be out on that curve so fast your damn head will spin..and BELIEVE ME you wont be taking a damn thing!!! Believe me Ya'll I let him have it!!! I ranted and raved for about an hr and all he did was sit there and listen and afterwards apologized for beingsuch  a jackass in the morning.  Then he CLEANED UP THE HOUSE while I was in the shower and surprisingly invited me for lunch on HIM. AND I WENT AND we ended up enjoying ourselves just the 2 of us... After that we went and got our kiddies from school and decided to take them out for a treat( I know they gave me hell this morning but they still are my babies...I'm a sucka arent I lol) We gave them each 10.00 and told them thatwas the spending limitno matter what!! and they had better find something in that price range and I am soooo proud of my babies they each found something they liked for $9.84 :))))) and they are soo happy with it...(first time we gave them a limit)You gotta love them.... SOOO this by no means makes our relationship  perfect or even means that all of our problems are solved, it just means that I took a step... he followed and now we can continue on this journey together.......