Today I made no excuses... I got up and I decided to clean my house from top to bottom. SO i started off with my bathroom cleaned everything in there including all the walls since they are all tile..Next I cleaned my bedroom/ living room changed my sheets and comforter and also the curtain...mopped up and then went straight into the kitchen. There was not much to do in there besides passing a mop , that is the only room that we have to clean on a day to day basis. Next I cleaned kiddies bedrooms. They kind of cleaned it up themselves but I went over it because I am so picky. I finally finished at 5:00pm.. I hadnt eaten a thing all day so I sat my behind here on the puter reading journals and eating some cereal.
I feel proud of myself lol I finally got my cleaning done. No visiting of neighbors today. I guess everyone had the same idea as I and no one knocked or called me today... Thank god I didnt need any distractions.
I definitely need a new chair. I have a cheap chair that I use now. It is killing my back..!! Since I am on here for hours I need something more comfortable.
I dont know if many people continue to read my journal..but I wanted to thank Marla for stopping by and leaving a comment or two...I sincerely apologize for not adding comments but believe when I say that I do stop by and read. This is one of my favorite things to do while online. I love reading journals and I have bumped into a lot of good and interesting journals in J-land. I promise I will get back to leavng comments.:)
Yesterday as I was sitting here ..Ben said something to me that really hurt me... I dont know if he realizes that the things he says sometimes hurt a lot. What he said was Damn Steph you got fat! I looked back him like "Did you just say what I think you said"! He said"Yea I'm just trying to help you and who else is better to tell you than me....I was like "Well really that is not a nice thing to say and frankly I dont care what you think! He was like you know you need to lose a few pounds. He says "It shows all in your face..I say"Yea since we have gotten together I have gained weight but I have had 3 kids and while that is not an excuse , it is not easy to lose weight. I am not F%$#ing 300 pds.!! Ok yea I am chubby But cmon I weighh 169pds. I know I need to lose weight becuase my dr has told me that for my height which is 5'1 I am overweight. BUt I dont need freaking people telling me all the time that I am fat!!! If its not him its my mother who every chance she gets feels she has to remind me that I am fat. This is coming from a woman who is about 5 pds lighter than me... I'm tired of people tryng to bring my self esteem down and they think if they tell me its for my own good.. Well it aint helping!!! I no longer feel comfortable undressing in front of Ben and every time we are intimate I have to have the light off so he wont be able to look at me. Is this what he wants??? People dont understand that it doesnt help at all to tell some over and over what it is thats wrong with them... I f&%$ know already..I mean cmon I do look at myself in the mirror..I have eyes... Before I had kids I weighed 110... I am not even comfortable being around other people because I feel they look better than me and that I am judged because I am heavy. I want to lose weight I just dont know where to begin. I know already that I dont eat the right things but I dont need you to tell me OHHH maybe you shouldnt eat that piece of cake or Damn you really want to eat those chips...How come big people are always judged by what they eat? but it is ok when a skinny person is sitting there eating a big fat burger or eating a large piece of cake!! We are called the sloppy pigs! Give me a F^%$# break!!!!
So now I dont even know if Ben is still attracted to me....Maybe he said that yesterday to give me a hint that if I dont lose weight he is leaving...Who KNOWs??
My sis in law decided to say YES. We can put the kiddies Xmas presents are her credit card. But she had to throw in.Under one condition ...I said What is that?? She said I need you to buy me a book of stamps because everytime you give me the payment I have to go get stamps to mail it out.... I was told her this is not a problem.... I need her to do this favor for me otherwise I wouldnt be able to get the kids what they want.....So I will buy her 2 books of stamps and a box of envelopes!! She was also asking her what I was planning on buying..I told her and she was like OHH you are planning on buying 3of them???? and I was UMMM yea I do have 3 kids and I dont want them fighting...She was like OHHH.... My sons father is buying his Ipod so that saves us another 79.00 ...Its not that bad ..We will give her the first payment like sometime next week even WAAAAAy before the bill comes and we always always pay more than the minimum! NOT only that my Ben has a friend who is the manager in the store and he is able to gives us no interest for 1 yr. Which is great.... AND by the time the second bill comes we would both have our Income Tax and we will pay the bill off in full..even WAYYY before the year!
I dont think it should be a big deal.... SHe knows she can trust us...Im sorry for the rant... LOL I probably didnt even make sense.
Well I guess this is it for today..(if someone is even reading anymore "WINK WINK")
TakeCare and Goodnight ALL....
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