Is love really that blind??(another one of my rants)

                              

                      I fixed it D....

 

Hiya everyone......

I have been quite a slacker lately.. havent I? Well things are going okay over here.

The other day Ben and I got into a rather heated arguement. Funny thing is the discussion that we were having wasnt about us in the beginning but as the conversation progressed.... a 180 degree turn was made and it somehow ended up being about us....Does that make sense to ya'll??

The whole thing started because earlier on in the day his sis in law(who is married to his middle brother , they have two children ages 1 yr and the other just 1 mth) called me to tell me about an arguement that she and her husband had had the previous night. She commenced to tell me that this arguement escalated to the point where it got physical. What started this whole arguement in the first place was that they had just gotten home and she started to take care of the older child(like take off her coat and start to put her to sleep) while the baby was just placed in the playpen with her coat still on.  So after awhile I guess the baby got very uncomfortable and she started to cry.

Well (S) was still busy trying to out the other child to bed and( L) was too busy playing video games(what was told to me by her). So S tells L to stop playing video games and take care of his daughter. L chose to ignore her. S repeated herself this time with a more aggressive tone. L told her to take care of her own daughter. S proceeded to tell him that she was too busy trying to put the other child to sleep. L told her he didnt care what she was doing. At this time the baby is screaming her lungs out. S told him that she wasnt going to get the baby. L got up and went to the other room and started to go to sleep. So the baby just continued to cry getting more and more agitated. Finallyabout 20 mins later the baby is still crying but at this time she is losing her breath from crying so much. Finally L comes out the room and grabs the baby. He then tells S that she is stupid that she doesnt care about her daughter ETC ETC. SO he takes the baby into the other room and proceeds to make her comfortable. Finally the older child fell asleep. So S ( this is her telling me the story in her own words) goes into the other room to get the baby. AS she gets the baby she said she punches him in the chest because she was soo angry about what had happened earlier. He was going to push her but he realized that had he pushed her she would have fallen with the baby in her arms so he changed his mind. Anyway they continue to argue..... I dont know what happened but she said that he grabbed her by the neck and started choking her. She said that she was hitting him back. Finally he let her go ....... and I guess they continued to argue until they both got tired and went to bed. He did not sleep with her that night and hasnt slept with her since.

Ok anyway she calls me and ask me if I could tell his brother(which is Ben ) if he could talk to L about what went on and how L had choked her and stuff.

I should have known better than to get involved in this family situation.  When Ben came home after he had gotten settled down I started to explain to him what happened.

I think that his brother must have called him earlier in the day as well and told him his side of the story. So Ben was like I dont want to hear it.  I already know what happened and my brother was just defending himself because she always wants to put her hands on him and doesnt expect him to do anything in return.

He said that his brother had already called him and told him that basically the marriage was over and he did not want to be with S anymore. Ben then proceeds to tell me all the negative things that L has said about S. Now I feel thats its only fair to defend S because she is trying to take care of the kids as best as she can. I mean these kids are literally 1 yr apart to the tee. The oldest turned 1 yr on Dec 16th 2005 and the baby was born on Dec 15th 2006. So it is hard for her. But L says that S wants him to do everything, like after work ..go to the supermarket for milk and diapers and then come home and help her take care of the kids. He feels he works all day long to pay the bills and all S does is stay home and take care of the kids. He feels that S should get up and get a job. He also feels that she should go to the supermarket herself and do everything that has to do with the physical caretaking of the babies herself because he works.

NOw in my opinion I feel that OK he works but they are his kids too! He had fun making them too! She shouldnt have to force him to take care of his kids! He should want to come home and bond with them because he hasnt been there all day! Its not fair to a mother that just because the father works that she should be responsible for all the childrens needs. I mean when do we get a break. A mothers job is 24 hrs a day 7 days a week basically. Why cant the father help every now and again when he sees that we are at our breaking point!

In Ben's opinion he feels like his brother that S is just being lazy and is just using the kids as an excuse not to do anything else. He also says that most of what S told me was twisted to be in her favor. I told him anyone of them could be lying. He was adamant that his brother was telling him the truth and that S caused all the problems because she wants his brother to basically be a slave.

I then told him(even though I should have kept my mouth shut) that I see firsthand when they visit that L does not help S at all with the kids. I told Ben that he has even witnessed this himself. I even met them in the Drs. Clinic and L was acting like an ass. Both kids were crying and he was telling S very loudly in front of people that a father is to only provide financially for their children that they didnt have to be the caretaker that thats what they have their mother for. He then told Her" those are your kids you take care of them". I was soooo embararassed cause I knew people had heard this.

Ben didnt care. He said that that was his brother and he was going to believe and be there for his brother. Seriously what gets me sooo mad about Ben is that no matter WHAT his family does he is always defending them even if they are wrong. This just irks my nerves because why cant he see that they are not PERFECT. Just because its his family it does not mean that he has to be one sided on everything. I told him that thats the reason why his brothers never grow up because they always have him to spoil them and tell them that everything they do is oK. He is the oldest and more responsible of the 3 boys. His other brother has a girlfriend and 2 kids as well. He has no job....they live from house to house(whoever will accept them ..they lived with me at one point in time) has no money for an apt but though has money to support his weed habit but meanwhile Ben defends him. His mother who lives right beside us is about 1 yr behind in rent. I have to hear about this all the time from my landlady. Yet BEn stills defends his mother, saying that yes his mother owes rent but that the landlady still ahsnt repaired things in the apt. WTF. How do you expect her to repair anything if there is rent owed! I dont care if you rent a box from someone on the street fact is you still have to pay that person rent because YOU agreed to rent this box fromt them! At first it was that his mother and boyfriend did not have jobs.... OK so my landlady said listen I'll give you a break...When you get a job you just pay me......1 yr later they BOTH have jobs but are STILL NOT paying WTF and this is right and you still sit there and defend your mother are you insane?????

So what started out as having nothing to do with us eventually ended in us throwing insults at one another. Me throwing in his face all that is wrong with his family and him throwing in my face all that was wrong with ME..... At this point I am exremely frustrated because why are you throwing this at ME??? I am not doing anything wrong but telling you the truth about your family. You just can not accept the truth. So I am yelling at him now. (thank god my children are asleep).....  I start to cry because I am so frustrated....He is telling me to quiet down that the neighbors can hear me. I dont care what the neighbors hear ... I am too upset. Finally we start to rationalize things. I calm down ... we talk so more....He tells me how he feels.. I tell him how I feel...and then we just let it go. I ended the conversation by telling him that if he wants to build this wall between us which consists of him and his family and me on the outside so be it. I will never get involved with anything that has to do with his family again. I told him I will never win when it comes to his family and he basically told me that I was right that no mattter what his family was about he would never turn his back on them.

Dont get me wrong.... I love that he is there for his family... I love that he protects his family(thats what you call a good man) But what I can not stand is that no matter what he can not ADMIT that his family is going about their lives the wrong way.

I love my family and I will always be there for them but when my mother is wrong (or my sisters) I let them know and I dont care if they get upset at me. If not me then who else will tell them the truth??? This is all I want from him... To learn how to tell his family....LISTEN stop doing what you are doing... YOU are wrong.... and then give them advice on how they can correct if not then when will they ever learn??????

 

Well this entry has gone on long enough....there is still more to the story but I will add the rest in a later entry.......

Take Care YA"LL