Pandora's Box, Can you handle it??

 

Well I guess I am not on strike after all. I am very hurt and sad right now. I guess in a way you can't open up Pandora's box and not expect to suffer the consequences of the after effects. I always manage to learn things the hard way huh? You must be wondering what the hell I am talking about right?... Well as all of you gals know my sis in law recently started her own journal. I have sent some of you over there to welcome her and make her feel comfortable. It has turned out to be a great thing for in the sense that she now has a place to express and vent out her feelings and emotions. At first I didn't think that it was such a good idea for family or friends to know or read about each other's journals. I especially didn't want anyone I knew personally to find my journal. I didn't want this for the simple fact that most of the time your journal is a place where you can feel free without having to hurt anyone with something you might write about. I told my sis in law about journaling because I felt that she could really benefit from it(which she has) I didn't give the link to my page but she looked me up and she found it. Ok fine....what am I going to do. It was fun having someone to share it with and we enjoyed ourselves writing comments in each other's page. So far she and I have gotten along. Whenever we are around each other I feel like we have good times. She had never mentioned anything to me. Yesterday they were over my house(she, her man, and the 2 girls). She called me and asked me if it were ok that she come over and I said no problem. I know how hard she says it is to go anywhere with the 2 kids, that's why I hardly ask her to come over anymore. Her sister was willing to help her, so I figured Great, you know we can hang out and at the same time I can see the kids. Ben and I and the kids were going to go over to her house the day before but she had her family coming over and we did not want to be an inconvenience. So it worked out that she would come over to our house. No one made her come out. So she got her before she got here , she called and asked if one of us could go out and help her to come out with the kids. She was coming out of a taxi and she needed help. At the time she calledI was making pancakes for my kids and I wasn't dressed yet. Ben had just gotten out of bed, so I asked him if he could go help her. He said Ok. He had to put on some jeans and shoes. It was took about 5 mins for him to get out there. I guess from what she told me Ben didn't get there in time to help her out. She said she wanted to hurry up and get out of the car because the driver had an attitude. If it were me he would have had to deal with my situation  because I am the one paying him. She couldve stood in the car and waited till Ben come out. OHH well he just got to help her into the house with the kids. She didn't say she was upset at the time but I know now she was.

 

So she came in and I was happy to see the babies ..They are soo cute especially Sabrina because she is soo funny. Ben and I had to go do our taxes, so I asked if she would like to come with us or stay with the babies at my house. Either way I did not mind. If she came with us Ben and I could help with her stuff and the babies since we had to take the bus. So she decided to come and everything was fine. Ben held Sabrina and I held the stroller and she had the baby strapped in a carrier. The ride going over there was cool. Nothing went wrong. Sabrina was a lil cranky but nothing too bad and she soon fell asleep, after her mom whipped out a bottle. We finally get to our destination and as we are getting off the bus we realized that it was raining. That was a bummer! I did not even know it was supposed to rain! Good thing the place was right across from the street from the bus stop. We go inside and the place is a lil busy. Luckily the lady did her job quickly. We were in and out of there in less than a half hour. We were told he would call us back with an estimate in how much we were getting back.

When we got out of there I was starving (Ben nor I had not eaten breakfast), Steph and the kids had eaten but I think they were hungry as well. So I asked Ben if he wanted to go to McDee's and we all would get something from the dollar menu since we were low on funds. Ben was expecting his paycheck later on in the day. He said Whatever..... He said it was kind of dumb to get off the dollar menu  but Uhhh hello! we had no other options! Steph says"Well if you want , you guys can put what you want to order on my credit card and when Ben gets his check he can give me the money. I was kind of hesitant at first...But the I figured Ok, Since I knew he was getting paid today anyway. Mind you it is raining, Mcdee's is a pretty good distance away. I was worried about the newborn because she just had a quilt covering her. Sabrina thankfully had the protection plastic over her stroller. Steph assured me that Sarah was ok. I started to then worry about Steph because she didn't have a hood on her coat and her head was getting soaked. I was worried she might get sick(I pray she doesn't because I'm sure she would blame us) She said ... She was fine...Ok we finally get there. I order for Ben and I and  our 2 kids. The total came out to 20.43 cents(Ohhh shit  by the way Steph we owe you the 43 cents sorry I will give to you :)..... So she put it on her card. I offered to give her half of the money right then, maybe she might want to use it on a cab going home. She said No she'd rather not waste money. Ok .... So we eat... The babies were really good and I think Steph was relieved that she got to eat in peace. Outside it was still raining. So we took our time eating in hopes that the rain would stop. Unfortunately it didnt. Thankfully Steph asked for a plastic bag and the manager gave her one. I put Sabrina's coat on so Steph could focus on Sarah and then I helped her put the plastic over Sarah's quilt this way she wouldn't get wet. We were good to go. I asked Steph if she wanted to stop for an umbrella. I was willing to buy one for her. I think she thought that she would have to pay for it so she said No. I was really worried that she was going to get sick. We got to the bus stop and we waited about 5 minutes for the bus. Steph wanted to shop but the rain got in the way of that. I think this was good though because at least she didn't spend money that they dont have. Bus ride back was uneventful. Everything was good.

 

We finally are back home. Its a lil walk to my house since we had to take the limited bus and that bus didn't stop on my block like it usually would... I noticed that Ben had on a cap so I got the idea for him to give the cap to Steph since he had a hoodie to cover his head. He had no problem with it, I felt better now that she had something to cover her head. She was dying for some m&m's , it had to be m&m's without peanuts... For some reason the stores didn't have those. Finallllly one store had them. She was happy and got 2 packs. So we got to my house.. Ben had already taken Sabrina's coat off. So all she had to was take off Sarah's. She and I hopped on the computer for awhile. Sabby was still asleep. When she woke up Ben played with her for a little bit. All in all Steph didn't have such a hard time. Of course Sabby whined a lil bit but nothing too bad and Sarah whined some too but Steph knew how to make her comfy. We all helped put a lil here and there. Steph and I went upstairs for a little while, to talk to my neighbor. I had to say hi to all of them lol. Sarah started to cry so Steph came down. I stood upstairs talking for a while. When I came back down, I realized they were ordering pizza. I dont know the whole situation with the pizza. All I know was that Steph and Ben were going to go half and half 5.00 a piece for a large pie . Ben called his brother and I think the brother added a couple more slices for himself. Of course it was going to come out more than 10.00 now. From what I heard it was decided that instead of adding a few more slices that they would just get another small pie. Total came out to 15.00. So Ben was like ..I am still putting my 5.00 because I just wanted a large pie and the extra slices were not for me. Ben was broke after paying all the bills so I guess he couldn't splurge a little more. So the delivery guy came and Steph ended up giving a 10.00 bill because that's all she had. So Ben gave the guy the 15.00 dollars. Plus he came out of his pocket and gave the guy a tip because he felt bad for the guy. Steph got bothered because she ended up paying 10.00 for the pizza. She felt that she got cheated in some way because it was just her and her husband who were going  to eat and it was four of us who were going to eat. She felt that we should have paid more for the pizza. But what she didn't understand was that the original agreement was that they were each going to pay 5.00. It was her husband who wanted more slices and it was she that said that we would be better off getting another pie. Do you guys feel she got cheated??? My neighbor upstairs asked me if I had any soda , So I said yes since she and I are always helping each other. When Steph saw that I came down with the soda in my hand she asked what I was doing carrying the soda bottle. I told her that I had given some to my neighbor. She tells me Ohh so you giving out my soda? And I was confused. I asked is this your soda? She said Yea I paid for it.. I said ohhh..Honestly I didn't know what was going on here. I didn't see her give Ben more money when he went to buy the soda. So when they left I asked Ben because I felt bad that I was giving out her soda. He told me that He had bought the soda. She didn't give him any extra money. Hmmmmm So what is going on??? I didnt think much of it I mean it wasnt a big deal like that to me. I wasnt the one who wanted the pizza.. Yes my family was bigger... But there was enough pizza there for everyone to each have 2 slices. If she only had one that is because she wanted to. This is all so dumb.

I guess I wouldnt have known how Steph felt if I hadnt had read her journal. Now do you understand why I felt that it was a bad idea for family. I knew sooner or later either she would read something in my page that bothered her or that I would read something in her page that would bother me. I guess I was the one to read something that bothered me first. I am not mad at her. I am hurt, and I am deeply offended. One hand washes the other. I have many times cooked for all of us without complaining or thinking about the cost. Because we are family and thats what family does for each other. Now I'm wondering does she care as strongly about our friendship as I do.... Friends dont feel cheated about something so small like that. I am going to send her the 10.00 dollars that she is out, for the simple reason that 10.00 is not worth arguing and hurting someone over. I thought we even though it rained, we all had a good time. I guess she wasnt. As friends she could have told me how she felt. I left her a comment, nothing bad... Just explaining to her how I felt. I think friends before all should always be honest and upfront with one another. I am sorry that she had such a terrible day at my house and with my family. No one is perfect. I guess I put too much into having that one special friend,. Maybe I am not meant to have a best friend...??

What you see is what you get with me.. I dont try to be somebody I'm not. I have my faults of course. I am not perfect and if you go back to one of my other entries you will see what is my downfall. I try to be as good a friend as I possibly can. I give my all in a friendship...I think I do this because I so want a friend to be like this with me. I dont have an older sister but I wished I did. I wouldn't have to go and look for friends out side , I would have my sister. As it stands I have 2 younger sisters and they have to look up to me ... I cant look up to them...My mom and I talk often but I just cant be myself with my mom because she tends to go against me. I am looking for someone to talk to, to understand and relate to me, to not judge me, and most importantly to not take take take and not give back as well..I believed that Steph and I had this but do we Steph??

Maybe I am overreacting....She is entitled to write what ever she wants I respect that. I want her to have that openess, My whole point is how honest can we be with others reading and not feeling defensive??? Once aggain I am not mad,, I want us to sort everything , there could have been a big misunderstanding... Steph is a really good , sweet person... She is no way, shape or form wrong for expressing her self or venting...that is her space to say and write whatever she wants..keep it up Steph... Things happen and there is an explanation for everything... We'll move forward and I'm sure after everything is said and done everything will be ok....

Ladies I know this was a loooooooong entry,.... thank you to those who hanged in there.... I really apreciate you guys listening to me.... OHH Yea Pam thanks a bunch for telling me how to use photobucket for my graphics..It works!! Goodnight all and Take Care.....