Things have been up and down for me over here..... So many things have been going on that I dont even know where to start! Many times I have sat in front of my computer willing myself to make an entry but at the end I had not the energy nor the want to sit here and organize my thoughts and feelings to where I could even make sense.
Even though I have been neglecting my own journal, I have a couple of times read you guy's entries... I am sorry for not commenting.... I know that a lot of you have also been going thru some ups and downs...
Well to start off I have to say that Thank God all 3 of my children are healthy and well. Still driving me nuts to the point where I want to run away but hey kids are kids right?? I am proud to say that they are all doing fantastic in school which to me is the most important thing. I can handle their little behinds at home but while they are in school I can't...BUT they give me no reason to be stressed about their behavior in school as they are all angels there.."SIGH" Can't they be the same way at home???
Ben finally got the promotion he has been longing for forever!!! I am proud of my man and happy to announce the he is now Store Manager.... After only being with the company for about 6 mths ...He has proven to them that he is capable of handling anything they put before him. He has gotten a substancial pay raise ... I thank God for finally seeing that my hubby deserved this chance..He is a hard worker and he knows what he is doing, Life financially should be easier now for us... I am now looking for a new apartment (with 3 or 4 bedrooms).
I am now babysitting full time ..As I never went back to work at Babies R Us.. I figured that if I could find work to do from home. ... that it would be better not only forme with my anxiety but also for the kids... At least they will have 1 parent at home... Babysitting has proven to be a difficult task, not because of the children, but because of their parents. Problem is that they seem to comprehend that they need to be here on time to pick up their children, (not a hf hr or hr later) also they can not seem to understand that if you tell me that the child will be at 10am ..then bring the child at that time and not at 8:30am!! I have tried to be patient but it is now taking its toll on me and I am about to let them know either they start paying me more or they bring and pick up their children at the right time!.. I am babysitting 3 children.. a 1 yr old boy Mon-Fri anywhere from 7am till on average 4pm and then 2 twin boys ages 10 Mon and Fri from 4pm to 9pm. For all 3 160 a week, I know I know cheap rates!!!
I am no longer letting people take advantage and talk to me the way they feel like....I have now turnedinto in other people's words a b&%$@.. In others people's minds I am no longer making them feel welcome in my home...Well you know what frankly I dont mind being called a b@#$*& , just because I have now learned how to open my mouth and do to others what has only been done to me numerous times!! I have not been respected and you know what now I can care less if I hurt your feelings because I have only told you the truth... I no longer beat around the bush..If I have something to say I will say it ..if you dont like it too bad get over it or stop talking to me.... I never wanted to become like this but you know what people have pushed me to the limit..... Family and friends who at this moments shall remain nameless.
I have now been off my meds for about a month... WHY?? Because I am all out of refills. I have tried to go see my Dr. but she is another one who is on my last nerve... SHE doesn't come into the office until 1pm, and then decides to take at least hf hr with each patient over the age of 60 ..which means that by the time she says us "young folks" she only has time to see us for 10 mins!! Not only that but she is closed on Fridays.... which sucks...Ok so I go on a Monday and the freaking shit is closed too!!! WTH!! I made an 1 and a hf trip over there only to be told she's closed! SO now I have no meds... Of course this has taken an effect on me.. I am now suffering from withdrawls! Plus I thinkthat by not being on meds I am getting depression.. I am not sleeping at all at night! I am scared that I may have Sleep Apnea ..for the simple fact that even if I sleep 6 hrs I still wake up feeling like I have not slept at all... YES I snore... SOO I dont know what to do about that... I am cranky as cranky can be.... BUT THANK GOD the anxiety and panic attacks haven't kicked in yet... I neeed to find another DR. close to where I a live.
My landlady is still driving me insane..BUT she has found someone else to handle all her bullshit for her.... I got fired from her without even knowing it..My new neighbor came to me and told me that she is now responsible for renting out all the lady's apts and crap..WELLL MORE POWER to you...they can both enjoy each other but I deserved at least to be TOLD she was getting someone else.... AS IF I wasn't doing the shit the right way..I guess the landlady from hell couldn't handle the fact that I now have a mind of my own and I can not speak up for myself! OOOO WELL thats life. My mother in law is still not paying rent!!!! Been almost 2 yrs now.... Of course there is alot of drama surrounding this but I am not going to get into that now...Let's just say that I am not even bothered with my mother in law and her low life boyfriend!! I CAN NOT wait till I am FAR FAR AWAY.
I will get into more detail about whats going on and who is getting on my last nerve BUT I think first that I will go private.. There is a lot that I need to get off my chest and there are family members who have one way or another found my journal(which is another reason for my lack of interest in writing). When I created this journal it was for me to be able to vent out what it was that I couldnt actually say but right now I am not able to do that completely. I have learned my lessson, on how important it is that family members should not know everything about you because they can in one way or another use it against you.. SOOOOO before I start getting open in here again I need to go private,,,,, If there are still any readers or old friends who would like to still read please let me know.. I am doing this NOT because I want to but because I HAVE TO...
Once again I am sorry to all my J-land friends for not explaining my leave of absense. I hope all of you are doing well... I am coming back to J-land and I hope that I still have my friends here...
Take Care alll!!!!!
Steph
