Hi everyone, Hope everybody is enjoying their weekend so far.
As for me .... What can I say this weekend so far has been spent doing everyday, housewife work. I finally got my laundry done yesterday. UGHHH I had so much clothes to wash .. 2 and a half hrs later and 20 dollars spent , I was done. Now the part I hate is putting them away, Because of course you have to organize everyones drawers first. Today was another day to spend cleaning up. I finally mopped my floor!
I was invited to my Aunt's house because she was throwing a lil birthday party for my cousin who just turned 16, but I politely declined the invitation. Its not that I dont like to go over there, its just that they live about an hr away by car and I hate to depend on someone to bring me home. When I feel like leaving , I want to be able to just go without having to wait till someone feels like driving me home.
Anyway today a friend and I were conversating. She was telling me about how she was getting ready to go on vacation soon to Miami. She was also telling me how she was going to a party tonight..... THEN she starts to tell me that I DO NOT know who I am! That my life revolves around my kids and my husband. She says that apart from them I have no life... No Identity of my own. She says that I am miserable. That all I talk about is my kids or my husband. I am just standing there looking at her and listening to what she has to say. She says that by the time my kids are grown that I am not going to know what to do with myself and that I am going to go crazy. She proceeds to tell me that I don't know who I am or what I want or like.
Ok by this time I have had enough. So I look her in the eye and I tell her " I am not miserable... This is who I am... Without them I would not be happy. What else is there to do ? I asked her. I said What should I be doing ?? Hanging out and getting high or drunk?? Or act like a fool with a bunch of stupid immature females at a club.
She says NO I dont mean that... I mean" You should do things away from your family. You should go away for a weekend all alone.. You should make more friends and meet them for lunch.. I tell her "Well you know I am 29 yrs old already.... I am to the point where I am not and do not want to have to go looking for friends. If by chance I meet someone and we get along then thats fine and dandy. I do not have much luck with friends because most of the time they want something from me or want to use me as a babysitter. Secondly its not like I am not allowed to do things away from my family, I CHOOSE to do things WITH my family, and as for me going away for a weekend Well where the helll am I going to go?? Its not like I am rich and have the money to wake up and say "Well you know what, Today I think I'll make a trip to Paris to shop.
Listen I KNOW I had my children young.... I KNOW that I am still young.... I KNOW that sometimes my children and my husband at times get on my nerves and I wish at that moment I could run away, BUT apart from when they get on my nerves I am happy being around them. There is no greatest thing in the world when my hubby and I have taken the kids out and spent the whole day together just us 5.
So NOW I am thinking IS this how people view me and my life?? Do people think that I have NO LIFE?? AM I portraying to the world that I am miserable??
Could it possibly be true what she is saying??? It makes me start to wonder WHO AM I REALLY apart from being a MOM and a WIFE? WHO is Stephanie?? What kind of personality would I have if I werent a mom?? What kind of lifestyle would I be living right now if I didnt have children so young? WOULD I still be so boring and shy or WOULD I have been outspoken and a party girl. I can NOT imagine myself in the party scene. I can not imagine myself drinking or smoking... Yea I like to go out but it doesnt have to be going to a freaking party or club.. I like to go to the library or the museum. I think even if I didnt have kids or a husband I still wouldnt be that type of person.
Is it true what she said about, When my kids grow up and make lives of their own that I am going to go crazy and start doing things that I think they prevented from doing??
Why do other people think just because I stay at home and I am not always cracking jokes that I am miserable... Let me tell you I am NOT miserable because I HAVE kids.. I am NOT miserable because I am in a commited relationship. The only thing that I am miserable about is the fact that I have this dammmm anxiety disorder that DOES prevent ME from doing many things. Another thing that makes me miserable is when people judge me and look at me like I am wasting my life. I have BEEN to College. I HAVE worked! I have HAD friends....... BUT none of that is as important to me as are my children... I CAN go back to College.. BUT I WANT to stay home and make sure that MY children get the best education possible. I CAN go back to work but I WANT to be home when my children get out of school and help them with their homework . I CAN make new friends BUT on my time and only when I think that person will make a good friend.
AND when my children are all grown up and done with College and have great jobs and are productive adults THEN I will enjoy my life and go to a club and get drunk out of my ass if thats what I want to do... THEN I can go on vacations for a weekend and make friends without caring about the influences they will have on my children. Until then this is WHO I AM and I am not changing it.
I guess she doesnt have problems going out there and partying because her son lives with his father. She told me this is the whole reason she leaves her child with his dad. She said because she wasnt going to give up her identity and her life for a man and a child.. She said she is too young(30 yrs old)... I guess she doesnt have to worry about meeting all these different men and inviting them over that night or the next day. IS that the life I want?? Should I be envious of her.... IN my opinion HELL NO... Should she judge me or my Life.?? HELL NO
DOES IT BOTHER ME that she thinks this way about me... My answer should be HELL NOOO but honestly I can not say that... Did she make me second guess myself and my life? Honestly YES.. WILL I trade my life for hers?? Honestly NO.... I am good with what God has chosen for me... Like I said in a past entry... My life would be perfect right now had it not been for this anxiety crap which is depressing the hell out of me!! LOL..
So how is your lives???? LOL
This is my entry(rant) for today....
GOODNIGHT AND TAKE CARE YOURSELVES!
8 comments:
At least when your kids are grown they will know their mother loved them what will her son think of her!
Debbie
xxx
I am a firm believer that you get from your kids what you put into them. You are raising kids that will know family values and love. I think you are doing wonderfully, and should be proud. Someday your kids will look and smile at the memories of their childhood. What else can a parent ask for?
Hey girl, I really like what you have to say
in this entry.
Yes she did make you question yourself.....
but only for a minute. And in your answers
you know you are where you are supposed to
be, and are NOT miserable doing it.
Perhaps, one brings up stuff to make you feel
bad for being who you are because they know
they are too weak to live the life.
Its all good, I'm doing the same thing, our
kids are young only once, and once they are grown.....
Have a good Sunday Steph!
Delaine
It sounds like your friend may be envious of the fact that you are a "kept" woman. The way she lives is her choice; she has no right to tell you how to live.
To be fair, since your friend is living the single life, she probably feels that she doesn't have a lot in common with you anymore, since you are always talking about your hubby and kids. The next time you and your BFF spend a day together or have a conversation, try chilling with the family talk. Make an effort to talk with her about other topics, and even listen to HER chat about her life sometime. It could be that she probably needs to feel like she is still an important part of your life. And you can, in turn, show her that there IS much more to you than just your hubby and kids.
Love,
<3
Adrian
tell your friend that you are perfectly happy with who you are and if she's so happy she should just keep to her opinions to herself. Tell her she's jealous!! r ose
Your friend is going to be a very lonely lady, what happens when she starts to look worn out and her looks go.What happens if she gets some disease from the company she keeps, I just hope her son has a good life with her x and he can be strong enough to say no when her life of fun comes to a stop. Your no different from many many mums, You love your hubby and your kids. And another thing life does not stop when your kids leave home you will still be there mum maybe a Grandma. Life is not about going out and leaving your son behind. Which i may add i am shocked she can give her son up. If i may add also if she can do that to her son, please do not trust her thinking she might be a friend. Your hubbys your friend, soul mate.
hugs
Katie
it sounds like that woman is very jelous of you. you said this so well:) you are there for your kids and husband. thank you for writing this! i hope you are feeling better today
Deb
when my kids were yonger, I was happy staying home and taking care of them. That was what I wnated to do.....as they got older, my views changed...and then I went back to school. Do what you want with your life..........
YOu are doing what makes you happy, and your friend sounded jealous and unhappy to me. People who are not happy often try to drag other people down....just forget about her!
Becky
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