Finally an entry on my LIFE!

Ok, So the 23rd of September is officially the first day of Fall, so why in the hell are we going to be in the high eighties today??. I can't stand the summer and I soo look forward to  the chilly brisk Autumn days. 

As you guys probably have noticed I have been neglecting this journal with adding any real entries. So I have finally decided it's time.

First thing is first, the Baptism is over and done with. It was on the 16th of Sept. The church was beautiful and the priest was a really down to earth non boring funny guy. Sarah looked GORGEOUS! Her dress was sooo beautiful. The Godmother did a really good job in picking out the dress. At first I felt left out and a lil bad that I wasn't the one baptizing her, But that all went away as soon as the priest started the Baptism.

Afterwards we went back to my sis in laws house. The Godmother had the food catered. It was all Hispanic food that was DELICIOUS. There was so much food! Everyone was able to eat 2nd and 3rds. Now you guys must be thinking what did Ben contribute to the Baptism. Well in the Catholic Church when you baptize someone they ask for a donation to the church. So Ben put 80.00 in the envelope. Then he bought the cake. It was soo good! It had a  Strawberry and Pineapple as well as Custard filling, with whipped cream frosting.  Today we are going to buy the baby a bracelet as a gift from us. We also gave her money in a card the day of the Baptism.  Overall it was really nice.

This was the first time that my sis in law and I had seen each other since our little fallout back in June. We had not spoken to each other since June either. I was kind of hesistant about going for this reason. When we got there though it was a lil uncomfortable at first but then it was just like old times. Now we are back on track talking once again LOL.

Last week I was sooooo upset at my kids. I now know that I have created spoiled selfish brats! Yes I know that sounds bad but its the truth. I only have myself to blame though.I wanted to give my kids all that I never had when I was growing up and in doing that I have raised children that have no appreciation for anything.

It all started on Friday. Ben wanted to take the kids out. He wanted to take them to the Disney Store because the 2 lil ones are such big fans of High School Musical. That was the plan. BUT we never got to the Disney Store because we never found it. So instead we went to Toys R Us on 42nd Street Times Square. When we got there Ben bought tickets for all of us(including my neighbor's daughter) to ride the Ferris Wheel. Just that alone came out to $24.00. Ok they had fun. It was nice. Then we went to look around. Of course everything they seen they wanted. My boys instead of looking for something different the only thing they wanted was a video game. I am sooo sick and tired of video games and I refused to buy any. Of course they were upset. Then my daughter went into the Barbie House.  Of course she wanted a Barbie Doll, but if you guys seen how MANY Barbie dolls she has you would flip out. So I didnt want to buy anymore dolls. There was nothing else she wanted .. She was understanding but NOW she wanted us to take her to Build A Bear Workshop.

Ok now its time to leave Toys R Us. For the first time EVER we left that store without buying a TOY. We walked around and we seen Ruby Tuesdays. So we decided to treat the kids to dinner. We got a table fast and our waiter came to take our order really fast. Something we are not used to in the city. Now my kids can not make up their minds. Finally we get all the orders straight. Now we just have to wait. Ok do you think my kids would behave themselves since we are in a restuarant. UHH No they all start to play around and bicker amongst each other. My older son ended up spilling Ben's drink. At this point I am annoyed and almost in tears. I sooo wished that it was just Ben and I. I am so annoyed that we always take them with us and do so many things to make them happy and this is how they repay us. My mood is not good. I was also annoyed because this Ruby Tuesday's Menu was just one page! It had about 10 choices on the menu. WTF! I just picked out anything and hoped that it would be good.

Finally the food comes... Thankfully my food is really good. I must say that my kids did eat all their food. Bill comes...Guess how much 82.00.. Wow! Its time to get out of here and I dont think we will be going over there again. I must admit though our waiter was REALLY GOOD and he was cute LOL.

So now we decide maybe we should take them to Build A Bear Workshop so my daughter can get an outfit for her Poodle. Then we figured on Sunday Ben would take the boys to Gamestop. I know I said no more video games but what the hell... SOOO we walk and walk and walk and walk. Around in circles....looking for this damn store. ALLL this time my oldest son is F*&$$$ annoying the hell out of me. He was upset because I didnt let him wear his new school sneakers. So now he decides to complain that his toe is hurting because I made him wear the old sneakers and they dont fit him(REALLY just 2 weeeks ago they were PERFECT and the onnly sneakers he would wear the entire summer) Also I know that he is upset because we are walking around loooking for a store that he knows he is not going to get anything from. So he starts crying and complaining the ENTIRE WAY! Walking sooo damn SLOW. I feel like strangling him. Of course I am the one dealing with this bullshit because Ben is way in front of us. Which also annoyed the hell out of me. UHH did you forget that we are your family too.? So I keep on telling my son to stop his shit. We are going back and forth and I know people are looking at us. OMG you dont know how BAD I just wanted to get lost. I honestly did not want to be around my kids at this time.

I couldnt believe that after everything they could act like this. Yea its just my oldest acting up right now but the other two can be just as unappreciative. That day I realized that I have done a really bad thing. I have given my children EVERYTHING they have ever asked for and now to them  its like we HAVE to always give give give.  They know no value of a dollar and how much work it takes to earn a dollar. I have shielded them from seeing the hardships of life. I have made it so that they have never had to want for anything and in doing all of this I have created SPOILED SELFISH BRATS who do not think about anyone but themselves.

Now how do I correct this?? Is it too late.??? I swore that day that from now on they will only get from us things that they need. They will only receive gifts on special occassions. When they get good grades they will only be given 10.00. If they want something that costs more they will have to save. That is another thing that my children DO NOT know how to do. On the occassions when they do get gifts they will only get one gift a piece and there will be a limit on much we can spend. I need to show them that life is not easy. Life can be very hard and if you dont appreciate what you have then you might as well have nothing.

I also swore to myself that even if I have to pay a babysitter... Ben and I will go out every other weekend ALONE. No kids. We need our time too. It is not fair that everything we live breathe and work for is revolved around these kids. Dont get me wrong I LOVE and adore my kids, but we need to think about ourselves too.

I pray that my children will open their eyes and see that what they have is because their dad bust his ass every day working 12 hr days 6 days a week to make sure they have everything they need and want. I want them to see that I still have clothes from 10 yrs ago that I still wear because every lil bit of money I get I spend on them. I just want them to grow and appreciate both big AND little things no matter what it is.

I am so disapointed in myself because I AM their parent. I WAS supposed to show them from little. I WAS the one who always said YES when Ben said NO.  I am the one who thought that by giving them everything I was being a good mother. I was the one who didnt want them to feel like I did when I was little watching my cousins and friends play with stuff that I only wished I had. I am the one who needed their drawers to stuffed with so much clothes that most of them they never used more than twice. WHY?? Because when I was little I had only one draw of clothes and my sneakers came from the Foot Doctor who at the time would give free sneakers. I did all this because I didnt want my kids to feel the pain I did when I was snubbed by popular kids  because my clothes and sneakers were cheap.  I wanted to spare them the pain of being made fun of because they didnt have a nice house... SO I just got them the best of evertthing. Little did I know that while I was thinking I was doing right by them, I was actually doing wrong... I need to fix it.

The problem is with me. I need to prove to people that I have stuff. I need to prove to them that I am not poor. I want them to see that just because we have 3 kids doesnt mean that we have nothing. Therefore I can not blame my kids... I can only blame myself.

But believe me I am going to make sure that my kids do not grow up like this anymore. It is going to be hard on them but I know at the end it is the best thing for them.

I am going to end this entry here... I will be back later on to make another entry because there are still things I need to get off my chest. Why is it that I am always looking for that one perfect friend?? I need to stop and accept the fact that I will never have that one true friend. It seems all of my friends at one point or another end up being hypocrites. I can not take it anymore. I would rather be alone.

Thanks for reading..... To be continued.........