WOW... I actually like my new home!

Soo, here I am at blogger now... I acutally like it. I like the fact that I can change my background whenever I feel like it. So far it has been easy to manuever around. Of course I still have some things to figure out but all in due time.

I was able to transfer all my AOL journal entries over here without any problems. I of course had to make my journal public to do the transfer but that is ok. I dont care who reads this anymore. In fact I dont think I will go private again. If any of my family members happen to come across this journal and read something about themselves ....well then that is their fault for being nosy. I am not going to hide just because someone might get their feelings hurt.

No school today again, due to the jewish holiday. Wow it's funny how schools are closed for every jewish holiday yet other than Xmas and Easter its open. Ohh well good thing about it is that I got to sleep in today. I dont work any days that schools are closed including weekends. Thats one of the good things about this job.

Ohh well let me go try to figure out this whole blogger thing. I still have to transfer my tag journal.
Thanks to those who care enough about me to follow me here.
Steph

Part 2

So the Library closed and I had to leave lol.... I took the kids to the library because they begged me to. Can you believe my kids love going to the library. To them its a hang out spot and they get a kick out of seeing all the new books. They each borrow about 4-5 books each(except my oldest he hates the library). They came out like me, I love to read. I been looking for a new author to get into. Any ideas?

Well so I think I left off telling you all that I had to step down from Deb's Stunning Designs. I really didnt want to because I loved being a major part in running the group and we have such a great group of woman. I am still a member though, so thats good. I just didnt have time to fully commit myself the way these ladies deserved. But Deb is an awesome owner and woman and she is holding it down all on her own.

I dont work weekends so I am able to stay at home with these kids which is great. We dont have to look and worry about paying a baby sitter.

I am extremely tired and at times I get frustrated when it seems like everything is piling up in the house. I still have to come home and help with HW and start dinner as well as clean up the mess we left in the morning. OOO the joys of being a woman huh?

I have been neglecting my tag journal(simply gorjuss creations) I have been making tags just havent been posting them. I have so many unseen tags sitting on photobucket right now. I might just post one a week and offer them up for requests. We'll see.

I recently got back into contact with one of best friends from yrs ago. She found me on Myspace. I was soo happy. I had searched for her but I never found her, and wouldnt you know she was going by her nickname DUHHH! So we have been talking over the phone and it makes me miss the days when I was younger. If only we could turn back the clock and appreciate the lives we had before we decided to become adults way before we should have.

She lives in Pennsylvania and will be coming to see me early October. I cant wait. The older obstacle is that she is coming with her with significant other who is a woman. I personally do not care about the fact that she is a lesbian. It does not bother me at all. I accept her for her she is and thats that. The only thing is that my children have never been around that situation and I am not sure if it would be ok to expose them to it in their home. They do know that they are gay people in the world, and they know not to discriminate, but is it different when its right in your face? My friend asked me if she could stay with us and I of course said yes, how could I say no? Now I am thinking if that was the right thing to do. One of my other friends who is bisexual told me that its not such a good idea. I know my friend would not disrespect my children in any way. So I am torn.

While we are on the friends topic, my neighbor (who lives above me) and I no longer speak to each other. I dont know what happened, but there was a few times that we would see each other and she wouldnt say hello to me. I always had to say hello first. I was getting tired of that, I mean we are friends we can acknowlege each mutually right? Well one day I went outside and she was sitting on the step with her daughters. They both said hello to me and I said hello back. This woman kept her face turned the entire time and did not look my way once. Welll you know what I didnt say shit to her. Since that day we have not spoken. I dont know if she had a problem with me before that but as a woman she should have said something. I just think she got to big headed for her own good and got used to people kissing her ass. She is about 15 yrs older than me and she is a Jamican woman and I of course do not have anything against them, but for some reason some of them tend to think that they are better than others. She did mention to me a few times that Carribean woman tend to dislike lighter woman of their own race as well as other races. So I dont know but whatever. I guess our friendship wasnt real.

I can continue but I have a headache so I am going to go lay down. To be continued.....

HUGS,

Steph

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Wow I have been MIA for mths!....

Wow, its been so long since I even looked at this journal. I have no excuses ... just the truth I lost all motivation for writing in here. It's not like I dont have anything to write about. So much crap has been going on since the last time I wrote. I just have been so lazy to write in here.

I am sitting here in the library with nothing to do, so I decided to try this out again.

Let's see if I can give you all a quick update since the last time I wrote her.

Finally the issue with Ben's bank account was taken care of. He ended up having to give them a chunk of what was in there. Then every mth thereafter he has to send them 100 dollars. As you can probably imagine I was not too happy about that. We definitely can not afford that extra hundred dollars but what can you do.

Issues with my landlord continue to plague my life. I dont if I ever mentioned here but she finally decided to give us a 2 yr lease. I was very happy about that because she couldnt raise our rent for 2 yrs. OR SO I THOUGHT. Even before I completed a full yr with this new lease she calls me up and says that she knows she gave me a 2 yr lease but that she regrets to tell me that she has no choice but to raise me an extra 50 dollars because her oil and gas bills were extremely high. You can not imagine how pissed I was! She told me that she would do me a favor and not charge me that 50 dollars until the winter mths. So that would be Nov thru March. A favor my ass. She knows what she is doing, because in June my 2 yrs are up and she will then be charging me that 50 dollars every mth if not more!

I know I have a lease and by law she is not allowed to do that, but she is using the guilt tactic on me. She tells me ohhh you know how understanding I have been with you guys when you are a week late with the rent. So I am torn. I am not sure yet what I am going to do.

My kids are all doing well, thank goodness. They are back in school. I transferred my 2 littlest ones to the school that is right around the corner from me. It is way easier to take them to school now. They love the new school. The teachers are younger and seem to actually like their jobs. They are not so hard with the HW, whereas in the old school the teachers would not do shit all day and the stock pile on HW to make up for it. They would literally give these kids more than 20 pages of HW in ONE BOOK!. My son would take hrs to do this hw. Now he is done within a hf hr -45 mins tops.

The only thing I dont like about this school is that they have open classrooms. At first I wasnt sure what this meant so they took me on a tour and what I saw was new to me. All the classes are in one big room and are only seperated by those seperations that they use to seperate offices...(ok now how many times did I use seperate lol.) There are no doors and you can hear each teacher talking to their students. They try and keep the noise level down, but I find it hard to believe that this is easy for them to do. So far my kids say that they are not distracted and that you can barely hear the other teachers. I hope that this doesnt affect their grades. We will see.

My daughter was having a hard time at first with these 2 little girls that in my opinion must have been jealous of her. They told her that she must be rich because of the way she dresses, sits and talks. UMMMM no we are not rich, but she was tought to have class, respect and morals. So these 2 little girls started a fight with her. But they underestimated my daughter. She may act and look all prissy but when someone bothers her and hits her she can defend her self. I did get to speak with one of the parents and thankfully she was not one of those ghetto parents. She actually talked respectfully and said that she would talk to her daughter. I also said I would talk to mine. The next day these 2 girls befriended my daughter. Her being who she is put all the drama to the side and she played with them. I am so proud of my child.

We finally got to go on vacation!! We went to Fort Lauderdale. We stood there for a week.  We were going to stay at a hotel but Ben's cousin lives out there and he insisted we stay with them. This was the first time I met him and his wife. I must say they are great people. They made us feel right at home. I was worried that we wouldnt talk and it would be awkward between us but everything just felt like if we had known each other for yrs. We went to the beach. It was gorgeous! The ocean was sooo clean and clear. The sand was white! BUT HOT! LOL.. At first I wasnt going to go in the water but Ben and the kids kept on bragging about how warm the water was. It was so hot outside the water that I said what the hell. I went in and it was just beautiful and the water was in fact warm. I stood there for hrs!

We went to Universal Studios. We had a great time there. We took so many pictures! I was surprised because I was expecting to wait hrs on the lines but they were pretty quick lines. The longest line was for the new Simpson's Ride. We waited on that line for about an hr and a half. But it was worth the wait. It was a very cute ride. We also hung out in the pool at the complex they live in. I am so jealous lol. I wish I lived in a place where I could go to the pool whenever I wanted.

While out there my daughter auditioned for this modeling company. She loved it. She actually walked down the runway. This was her first time doing something like this and can you believe she made it into the finals. We were so proud of her! For her finals she had to do a photoshoot and go up on the stage and perform. She decided that she wanted to sng Miley Cyrus's Girl's night out. She said she was soo nervous. BUT she did it. Now we had to wait for the judges to decide if she would win a contract with them.

It was going to take a few weeks. Well we recently got back her photos (they are gorgeous btw) lol and GUESS WHAT! She won a new face contract with them. I just have to sign the contract and mail it back. Before I do that though I am going to look into everything and make sure everything is legit. She is soo happy and excited. She is so good with the camera. As for my boys.... well they are boys lol and they are doing boy things. You know the video games and stuff like that. I am trying to find something for them to get involvedin but it's hard because we dont have a car  and everything is a pretty good distance away.

I have had to step down from being co-owner of Debs and Steph's Designs(which is now Debs Stunning Designs). The reason being that I have had to go back to work. Things were just getting too tight and I felt that I should at least help out a little more. I am no longer gettting the rental subsidy that I used to get.... well I do but they no longer give me 700 for rent they give me 400. Our rent is 1300 right now, so Ben was having to pay 900 plus all the bills whatever we needed for us and the house. It was getting real hard for him. So I am now working. It is not much but it helps out. I work from 9 till 2. I have weekends off.. which is good for me. I dont need to spend money on a baby sitter...

to be continued library is closing....

Still no money & no answers

     

Well we are still dealing with this mess with these people who put a hold on Ben's money. We have not heard from them since Friday. This is straight up ridiculous! Supposedly they wanted to settle this quickly. So quick that Ben has left tons of messages and no returns his calls. The bank says their hands are tied. Well weren't they the idiots who let someone else come and mess with his money? Now no one has answers. Ben asked them what was he supposed to do if this man never calls him back. Of course the bank did not know how to answer that question. All they said was that the hold is in effect until 2009 OR until he has 5,000 in the account. WTF he doesn't even owe them that much. I finally did get some papers in the mail about this "hold". Ben owes 2,700 in total. WOW all this for a 200.00 limit. Just freaking crazy.

Today I felt like I was going to lose it. Ben has direct deposit so we thought his pay check for tomorrow would get deposited. This of course would have been a nightmare since we already lost one paycheck. We would have had NO money at all and tons of bills piled high! I couldn't handle it if that were to happen. But thankfully when he called payroll they told him that his check will be mailed to him. TY Lord!

Friday is my son's birthday. I have no idea what I am going to do for him without any extra money to spare. We'll come up with something. We have to. I can not bear to see disappointment on my child's face.

Saturday my landlord is coming for her rent. Credit card bills are due again. Not including the ones that already bounced.

I just need a little more strength to get thru all of this. I can not afford to have a breakdown now.

 

Not only do I have to deal with drama in my outside life but its unreal that I have to deal with drama online as well. I never could understand how people get into arguments or drama with people over the internet. Now that it has happened to me personally I can see how.

Some just thrive on attention.. I dont know why I let this woman who seems to have tons of issues get to me. Ohh well as she stated God sees and hears everything. SO that person better watch out judgement doesn't come knocking at her own door.

 

Today my lil sis graduated from High School! She achieved something that neither I, my other sis or brother did. I am so very proud of her. I know it took a lot of work and not everyone makes it but she did. I remember when she was born. How much I adored that little girl. Now she is no longer a baby. Just thinking about her finally becoming a young woman and venturing out on her own brings tears to my eyes. I just wish I had the money to do something really special for her. All I can do is let her know that I am here for her whenever she needs me.

Well that's about all for tonight. Ben should be here any minute and I need to heat up his dinner.

Hugs

Steph

 

 

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Conversation pt2

 

MommylilDevils [4:15 P.M.]:  they dont fix computers there
MommylilDevils [4:16 P.M.]:  and even if he sends to fix we still gotta pay that aint free like your camera wasnt free, it comes out of his pocket when it comes time for his bonus
MommylilDevils [4:16 P.M.]:  they charge him for it since he didnt charge the person
shorladysxy90 [4:17 P.M.]:  so what the hell u want to do give him the damn money since u throwing shit on my face
MommylilDevils [4:17 P.M.]:  i am telling you what the prob is
MommylilDevils [4:18 P.M.]:  i am telling you that its messed up that now i have to pay for it or be without a laptop i am not blaming you
MommylilDevils [4:18 P.M.]:  what im saying is that had it been me you and her would have been hounding me and calling me for the money to fix it
MommylilDevils [4:18 P.M.]:  she wont step up to the plate and admit that she did something to mess it up without arguing
shorladysxy90 [4:19 P.M.]:  so if thats the way u feel about it than tell her
shorladysxy90 [4:20 P.M.]:  i don't know what else u want me to do. but i kinow the night before it was working
MommylilDevils [4:20 P.M.]:   dont even try to stick up for her
MommylilDevils [4:20 P.M.]:  she messed it up and thats it
MommylilDevils [4:21 P.M.]:  all i did was turn the thing on I didnt need the internet because I was chatting with my friend but when I was done I couldnt get on the internet it sure wasnt me
MommylilDevils [4:21 P.M.]:  anyway forget it because this is going to be a lost  cause
shorladysxy90 [4:21 P.M.]:  u just can't be down loading music like that that s why i don't let her do it on mines
shorladysxy90 [4:23 P.M.]:  i'm gonnna let her know that u upset about it
MommylilDevils [4:23 P.M.]:  dont let her nothing because i am not in the mood to hear her calling me cursing at me
MommylilDevils [4:24 P.M.]:  She should have come to me and said Steph something is wrong with it i dont know what I did but take it to get serveced and if there is something wrong with it I will pay for ir
MommylilDevils [4:24 P.M.]:  but instead she says she didnt do anything to it when she was the only one using it
shorladysxy90 [4:25 P.M.]:  i don't know to to tell u
shorladysxy90 [4:26 P.M.]:  just don't take it out on me cause i didn't do nothing to that laptop
shorladysxy90 signed off at 4:31 P.M.

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IM Converstation with my mother....Pt 1

*Had to edit the color from my moms side she used black which blended into my background

 MommylilDevils [3:58 P.M.]:  well i am pissed off too because now my laptop is messed up. it was working fine here now it dont  and it doesnt matter because no one gonna step up to the plate and say they did anything to it
MommylilDevils [3:59 P.M.]:  which is messed up because if it was me I would have gotten cursed out but now i have to figure out how to fix my own laptop that i didnt even mess up
shorladysxy90 [3:59 P.M.]:  well that don't got nothing to do with me
shorladysxy90 [4:00 P.M.]:  that's up to u and lulu
MommylilDevils [4:00 P.M.]:  of course everybody will say that .... ohh i didnt do it but nobody gonna have my back either but its all cool
shorladysxy90 [4:00 P.M.]:  i know u not blaming that on me now
MommylilDevils [4:01 P.M.]:  no what im saying is that nobody gonna care about it and nobody gonna say nothing because it has nothing to do with them
MommylilDevils [4:02 P.M.]:  i wouldve been told that i had to pay for it and shit she would have had you calling here telling me off
shorladysxy90 [4:02 P.M.]:  cause when i had it i gave back the same way u gave it to to even with a bag for it
shorladysxy90 [4:03 P.M.]:  well like i said is up to u and lulu u want to tell her to pay for it
MommylilDevils [4:04 P.M.]:  yea like if i tell her that she messed up it up she has to pay for it she aint gonna pay for shit and she gonna say that she didnt mess it up and start cursing all over the place like she always does
shorladysxy90 [4:04 P.M.]:  is that why ben aint talking to u
MommylilDevils [4:04 P.M.]:  i aint scared of her but i just dont have the energy for drama i am just not gonna lend no body nothing ever again lesson learned
shorladysxy90 [4:05 P.M.]:  so what u want from me
MommylilDevils [4:05 P.M.]:  she should feel bad because when I gave it to her it was working and when she gave it to me in clarks house it was not working is she gonna admit it no,
MommylilDevils [4:05 P.M.]:  thats probb why she gave it to me so easily
shorladysxy90 [4:06 P.M.]:  no cause it was working here the night before
MommylilDevils [4:06 P.M.]:  no it must have not been working
shorladysxy90 [4:06 P.M.]:  she took so she won't have to hear u scream about it
MommylilDevils [4:06 P.M.]:  because in clarks house it did not work at all and I had not even had it for an hr
MommylilDevils [4:07 P.M.]:  i couldnt do  nothing in clarks house , only check mail and chat
MommylilDevils [4:07 P.M.]:  no internet
shorladysxy90 [4:09 P.M.]:  so it was working
MommylilDevils [4:09 P.M.]:  just for mail and chatting.... what you mean it was working that aint workking
MommylilDevils [4:09 P.M.]:  she must have got a virus that is preventing it from going to the internet
shorladysxy90 [4:10 P.M.]:  well if that the way u feel than let the other one know
MommylilDevils [4:10 P.M.]:  a computer is for you to go on the internet not just for mail and chatting
MommylilDevils [4:10 P.M.]:  i already told her she says she didnt do nothing
MommylilDevils [4:10 P.M.]:  like always i come out losing
MommylilDevils [4:10 P.M.]:  its gonna cost me money to fix it and now i dont have a laptop
MommylilDevils [4:10 P.M.]:  when it was just fine
shorladysxy90 [4:11 P.M.]:  well stephanie she should never lend it to her in the begin
MommylilDevils [4:11 P.M.]:  how many times i told her no
shorladysxy90 [4:11 P.M.]:  just keep me out of it
MommylilDevils [4:11 P.M.]:  how many times she continued to ask

MommylilDevils [4:12 P.M.]:  right but if i had did that to her you would have been calling me telling me to pay for it i cant be mad at you cause it wasnt your fault but now that its my stuff no one aint gonna defend me
shorladysxy90 [4:12 P.M.]:  cause i know when i get things from somebody else i always return the same way i got it
shorladysxy90 [4:14 P.M.]:  like i said what do u want me to tell her righht now she aint got a job to fix it
MommylilDevils [4:15 P.M.]:  whatever like i said its not gonna make a difference I already know what i have to do, just bring it back and thats it I am not lending no one nothing..even though now there aint nothing to lend nobody, nobody dont want nothing from me now that my stuff is messed up
shorladysxy90 [4:15 P.M.]:  she said she would take it to ben to see what he could do about it
MommylilDevils [4:15 P.M.]:  what can he do about it

Anger turns into utter sadness... (update)

 

 

Anger has just turned into pure sadness today.

Well it was a collection agency that went and put a hold on his account. They seen he had a substantial amount of money in there and then decided to act now. Basically they did not take his money. They can not that do that without taking him to court and suing him but they can put a freeze on it which would prevent him from being able to do anything with his money. Which they did do.. He owes about 3,000 for a card that only had a 200. limit on it.  So basically now he has to reach a settlement with them. He told them that he would be able to afford 50 a mth , they immediately rejected that offer! Then he told them fine I'll give you 100 a mth. Still they denied it!! Fucking assholes want him to give them 500.00 now and then 100 a mth! There is no way that he is going to do that. We need that money for bills and rent. They are going to have to accept something lower than that or take it to court. I am sure they do not want to wait that long. Yes he owes them and yes he should have paid a long time ago but like everyone else when you are living paycheck to paycheck you can not afford to give away one extra penny. But now that it has hit him in the ass he has no choice to pay it so why cant they accept what he is willing to offer? "Sigh" I dont know what to do say or think anymore. We are both really stressed about this. So much so that we are arguing with each other over stupid things. Life is just too hard sometimes. You try and try and always something comes up. He works his ass off, we help people, we give people whatever we could, we try to live life as honestly as we could, We are not expecting anyone to give us anything but dammm cant we catch a lil break every now and again. When is God going to look at us and say ok its time you guys to have a little luck in your lives.

 

 

 

Another thing that has me down is a couple of weeks ago I lent my sister my laptop. She asked me to borrow it, I said no and she continued to harass me until I said yes. Well last week Saturday she finally gives me the laptop back and guess what? There is something wrong with the shit. I used it to do Saturday's PSP Class and to check emails. After the PSP Class I tried to go onto myspace and it wouldn't go. Any site I tried to access wouldn't load at all. I emptied out the temporary internet files and cookies I restarted it. Nothing. Of course she swears she did not do anything to it. She refuses to pay for it to get fixed. I told her that it was working when I gave it to her and its not working now so who else could have messed it up???? Like always I get the short end of the stick. My fucking family always finds a way to screw me over. Had it been me that messed something of theirs up they would have been cursing me to the high heavens and demand that I either give them the money for it or pay to fix it. But since its my shit and no one cares two shits about my feelings it doesn't matter. Now I have to pay for my own laptop to get fixed when it wasn't me who caused the problem. I have no enery anymore to fight with anyone. It wouldn't solve anything anyway they are total idiots who disregard anyone else's feeling and no matter if I screamed and cried they still wouldn't pay for a thing.

What does my mother say about all this.??? "leave me out of it". But like I said had it be the other way around this lady would have been calling me every name in the book and demand that I give my sister her money. I am so done... I can not do this anymore. I can not deal with family like this. I can not take anymore bullshit. It is all so overwhelming that all I want to do is sit and cry.

My anxiety is worse and I just feel like I am going to snap.  I am dizzy all the time and of course feeling like I can not breathe. My bodyaches and every once in a while I get a bad headache. Lord how much more do you think I can handle? Why me? Why does my life have to be so difficult? Why do I have to have this problem with myself? I swear I could deal with all life's twists and turns if I didn't have to deal with this anxiety (or what they claim is anxiety). It makes it 10 times harder and 10 times just as stressful.

Who can I turn to for comfort. There is no one. No one who will understand where I am coming from because in order to fully understand you have to have went thru something like this or are currently experiencing something like this. Ben doesn't understand me, As much as he tries to he can't because he doesn't physically feel what I am going thru. I have not met one person who when I explain what I am feeling can look me in the eye and see Yes I feel like that too. I know how it feels.

Today I have done nothing, the kids wanted me to take them to this fair but I couldnt. I was scared to because I been feeling so dizzy and crap. Of course I cant tell them that. I dont want to scare them. SO they just think that I dont want to take them.

Anyway I can go on forever but I am not... I'll leave you with a real IM that I had with my mom about the laptop...I am going to add it to another entry because AOL says that I have exceeded the maximun amount of characters.... SIGH

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WTF!!!!

 

I am so pissed off right now, matter of fact a number of emotions are going thru me at the moment.

Yesterday Ben decided to go to Mc.Dees to get the kids something to eat. No harm in that right?

Well about hf hr later he calls me and he tells me that he is coming home without any food! I asked why? This is what he tells me.

When it was time to pay for the food, he swiped his debit card. DECLINED..He tries again DECLINED. He is thinking WTF? He knows for a fact that he has money in his account! So what choice does he have but to step aside and call Customer Service at his bank.

What they tell him is this...... Well it seems like your bank account is at a negative 4,562!!!!! He is like what! That can not be possible. They also say that there is a lien or hold on his account. He asks why and where  did this come from. The lady tells him that all she can see is that NY State has placed some sort of hold on his account. THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE!! He doesn't owe NY anything. He doesn't owe taxes so what the hell else can he owe them?

The lady gives him a number to an office that is now closed and tells him he has to wait till tomorrow to call.

He gets home and he is very upset. I dont blame him, I am very upset as well. Not only did his paycheck just get deposited today, but we also deposited his entire stimilus tax payment!! So there goes all the money we  had!

So I tell him to call the bank again and demand more answers. Like how could the bank just allow someone to get into his account without contacting him.

So he calls again, once again this lady was no help. Why do hell do people choose to work in places that require you to help someone but then they refuse to help you?! So I tell him to hang up with that asshole and call again. Hopefully he will get someone who actually likes their job. I guess God heard my prayers because this lady turned out to be a very great help. She went thru all his transactions with him . It turns out that during the day $881.00 was withdrawn from the account, 1 minute later another $75.00 was withdrawn which was put down a legal processing fee. Ben says he did not make this charges and he also did not authorize anyone to make these charges. So he asks ok, so they withdrew all this money from my account so now why are they saying that I owe them 4,000? Where is that figure coming from? The Rep says that it doesn't make sense either and she doesn't understand why that number is showing up! As far as she could see they withdrew all the money he had in his account so his account is now at an even 0.00. She says she doesn't see why this other figure is showing up. She tells him to call the number to where these charges supposedly came from and let them know that he did not authorize these charges and that they need to give him his money back. If they refuse he can dispute it and the bank is supposed to refund his money within 10 days. She then passes him on to her supervisor who she says can help him understand where the 4,000 figure is coming from. Supervisor comes on the phone, is not as nice as the first rep and she says that what it is someone is saying that Ben owes them 4,000 and that they are going to try to get it from him. He asks her again WHO?? She says Well I really dont know, but I can give you an example. Maybe it can be a collection agency for a credit card.HMMM well ben did have some outstanding credit cards but not one ever totaled 4,000. He had 2 cards and they were each 200.00 limits and this was about 9 yrs ago!!!!!! So once again what is the 4,000?? She said that all she could  do was wait until tomorrow and that she would call and she advised him to call as well and find out what this is all about. She also said it could be a whole big misunderstanding.

Well I looked up information and it says that Collections Agencies CANNOT SEIZE/GARNISH your bank accounts OR wages UNLESS they have taken you to court sued and WON a judgement against you!

He has NOT gotten any summons to appear in COURT AT ALL! So if it is a collection agency, how can they be allowed to do this. It is illegal!

Yesterday was a bad day. Both of us had a huge headache and are thinking where are we going to get the money to survive till next week when he gets -paid again!

All we can do now is sit and wait for answers. I spoke to Ben a little while ago and he said that he is getting ready to call the number the bank gave him. Please keep us in your prayers and hopefully it was all a mistake. If it is a collection agency, hopefully the bank refunds his money because they were not given authority to take anything.

I am screwed as well because I just paid all MY credit cards by check just yesterday and now those checks are going to ALL bounce! I am going to get charged all kinds of ridiculous fees. This is all freaking unreal! How can people do this??

I don't know what else to say. Now this on top of everything else that we have to deal with. I mean when are we going to get a fucking break. We think we are all caught up and then something happens to bring us right back to square one. It mays you think why even bother??

There are so many people out there who do so many bad things but are living comfortably without any problems and  then there are many people like Ben and I who do things by the book and who are actually trying to do their best and we get thrown all these hurdles. I mean it makes no sense!

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How time flies....

 

Finally an entry.. It's funny how time flies for one thing but in others time couldn't go fast enough.

Things have been mostly ok. Of course they could be better but I gotta be gratful that I still have my life and my 3 kids are all happy and healthy. I have been online just not making any journal entries. Really didn't have the motivation to write. Most of my time has been spent helping Debbie with our group and messing with PSP.

Ughhh this heat is just killing me. I hate when its winter everyone is complaining how they cant wait till summer and then summer gets here and now we're all complaining about the damm heat lol.

I have never liked the heat and if I could move somewhere its always around the 50's I would.

Not much been going on lately. We celebrated my older son's and daughter's birthdays. Now I just have one more birthday and then we're done lol. We went to Great Adventures. The kids loved it and so did Ben lol. I didn't get on hardly any rides. For some reason this year I am a scaredy cat. My middle son was very disappointed that he couldn't join the others on all the roller coasters. He is the right age but he is just too dammm short lol. He is praying that he grows another inch or two before his birthday so that if we do go again this time he can conquer those coasters. Poor baby I seriously doubt its going to happen. He was cursed with the short gene from me lol.

Guess what? Those of you who have been reading this my journal for a while should know that my mother in law lived next door to me . You might also know all the drama that was going on with that. WELLLL she has finally moved!!! Yep she finally decided that it was time to stop being a freeloader and look for another place where she could freeload from. Unbelievable right? She went from having her own bathroom and kitchen to sharing them with another family.! And paying the same amount if not more for just a room, I mean I dont get people. Why couldn't she just pay her rent here and live a little more comfortably even if it was a basement apt.

The landlady had someone fix it up and now there is 2 bedrooms, a small living room and kitchen plus the bathroom, plus you get the backyard and all she had to pay was 600.00.

OHHH well her loss,

 

I am still not back on the zoloft, I thought everything was great because I was fine without it but recently I have been feeling anxious all day and a couple of times have even gone from anxiety to full blown panic attacks. I really do not want to get back on the zoloft again, I dont know if I am going to have a choice though, What scares me is that I was watching this tv program "Women behind Bars",. There was a lady who was locked up for killing her 5 yr old twin boys, She blames it on the zoloft that she was prescribed for depression, She said that it started to make her hallucinate and make her more depressed. This never happened to me but now I am scared what if this were to happen?.

The only side effect that I can see now that I have been off of it was that the zoloft would make me want to sleep all day. I also think that it somehow made me gain weight because I hardly eat and I have gained so much. I dont know but hopefully I can manage this thing and stay off meds for good.

 

What else? Well I am thinking about closing my tag journal down. Reason being is that I just dont have time to tag so many names. It's not fair to you guys to have to wait mths until you get the tag you requested from me. Either I close it or I just make it a snag journal since I am still making tags. We'll see.

 

I think its time for a journal makeover lol. I have seen so many journals that look awesome. I have basically neglected my lil journal so we'll see if I spruce it up a little.

 

This month Ben and I had a preganancy scare. My sister and I usually get our periods around the same time. She came over one day and said she got hers. UMMM Ohh No I havent gotten mine yet. So of course I freaked out. Started crting and praying that I was not pregnant for the next 4 days. I realiazed that I really do not want any more kids. It is too much with just, Imagine another. Not only that but a lot of people think about how cute newborns and toddlers are. But no one really thinks about the long term. Like even when these kids grow up you still have to worry about them and if they are ever in a jam we still have to be able to help them. This is a job that lasts forever and as they get older it only gets worse. I have 3 kids to out thru college, I have 3 kids whose futures I have to worry about. Its not all about buying cute clothes and buying them toys anymore. I am nervous about what the future holds, so with all I know that I do not want another kid to worry about. I am seriously thinking that I want to get my tubes cut. I just dont know too much about the procedure and I am scared that I am going to be in a lot of pain., Ben said he is willing to get a vasectomy but I told him he seriously needs to think about that. I told him I already have 3 kids that are mine, he only has one that is biologically his. What happens if we were to separate and he was to meet someone. He said that he wasnt planning on seperating and to him he has 3 kids and thats that. So I dont know but honestly I think that I would do it before I let him have a vasectomy.

If anyone knows anything about tubal ligation or who has done one please email me with some information. I would be very grateful.

Well I think that is all for today,. I will try to update more often but I'm not making any promises.

Love to all... Hope all is well with everyone.

Thanks for stopping by.

Hugs,

Steph

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How come when it rains, it pours? "Sigh"

Warning: Beofre you read futher please know that this a long full blown rant!

Read at your own discretion.

 

I just feel like running away right about now.

Today started out bad, I thought it would get better but no it has just gotten worse.

 

Let me start from the beginning. Yesterday my middle son comes out of school all upset because his teacher told him that he was not going on the upcoming class trip due to no homework. I was pissed because there was no way he could be missing yesterday's Hw because I was the one who helped him with it. He did leave 2 questions blank because frankly we couldn't find the answers. Now 2 questions blank is definitely not an incomplete by no means.

So I decided to go to school this morning to talk to her and ask what seems to be her problem with my child. I start out by telling her how it is that he got marked an incomplete for last night's Hw when all he had missing was 2 questions. She tells me that to her if they leave something blank that it is an automatic incomplete. I tell her that I do not agree with that at all! Well she stood by her answer that it was how she ran her class. Then she proceeds to tell me that my son has consistently missed Hw. I tell her "Impossible, I watch him do his Hw every night.

She says " Well I have proof" She calls another student to bring her, Her notebook and she proceeds to show me dates on which my son did not hand in Hw or was missing some of the Hw.

I felt like a fool! I was livid. I asked him what was going on?

He starts to cry. I know instantly that there is something he is not telling me. I ask him if it was true that he was missing Hw all these times. He nods his head yes. Omg... It took all I had for me not to slap him. Apparently my child was just showing me and doing only half of his work! So let's say he had..English, Math, Science and Social Studies, he would only show me his Social Studies, Math and English. He would not tell me he had Science and I never thought anything about it because he was after all doing his homework and I had no reason to believe otherwise. So I was played like a fool. Fine I told him when he got home he had a lot of explaining to do and that as of now he was punished for 2 weeks. He is not allowed to watch tv, play with toys or games and he can not go to his father's house this weekend.

Ohhh before this little adventure in school, Ben and I got into a little tiff.

Now usually on Thursdays he would have to leave the house at 7:00am to so that would mean that I would take the kids to school. Well today there was a change and he didn't have to leave until 10:30. So I tell him to come with me to school so that we could talk to the teacher together because it's usually me alone, this way the teacher could see that my child comes from a home with two parents.

Well Ben is a selfish idiot! He decided that it was much more important to go and get a haircut. He said that was the reason why he changed the schedule. I told him that he would be able to do both as I wasn't planning to stay in the school for hours. He said he wasn't going to take the chance. He really needed a haircut (in his words).

I am frustrated! I am tired of being a single parent.  Yes he lives with me, Yes he provides for us financially. This doesn't mean that this excuses him from playing an active role in parenting. When they have to go to the Dr, I take them. When they need clothes or something for school, I have to go and get it. When they have Parent/Teacher day I go. When they need help with Hw, I help them. I dress them, I send them to bathe, I make sure they eat, I discipline then if needed,, I tuck them in and kiss them goodnight. I buy them their favorite things. Ahh  you get the drift here?? Basically it's me doing everything for them because he's too busy at work. By the time he comes home from work they are in bed and I have taken care of everything. Is this fair?

No, its not. Not only isn't it fair to me its also not fair to them.

So I called him out on it and he didn't like it. I am now not speaking to him. If he is not willing to see that there is something wrong then there is no reason to waste my breath anymore.

He says I have to understand him. I am sick and tired of being understanding. When the hell is someone going to understand me?

 

Next thing to annoy the heck out of me,,, Those of you who have been reading me long should know that I have a psychotic landlady. Recently we got into it again because she is a damm stalker who has nothing else to do all day but harass me. She leaves me about 20 messages a day to call her just because she wants to speak to me. Why the hell do I have to call if I dont want to?

So finally I told her in a very sarcastic without any cuss words(and there were many that I wanted to use) way to leave me alone.

She was of course shocked and couldn't understand why I was talking to her like this. Yea my ass. I have stories that I can sit here and write about this woman and the way she has treated me, But I wont get into that now.

Anyway she calls me today to tell me that the exterminator will be coming by on Saturday, I then tell her that I will not be letting him in because I have my little puppy now and I do not want her to get poisoned. She then decides to bust my balls(not that I have them) and tells me that she didn't want dogs in the building. What!!!!!??

Meanwhile my sort of friend Ayeesha who lives in the freaking small ass basement has a pitbull! You are trying to tell me that you do not want my 3 pd Shih Tzu in my Apartment but's ok for someone else to have a 25-30 pd pitbull in her basement apt!

Again my pressure rose for the third time today.

I kindly told her that I am not getting rid of my puppy,

Now what's bothering me the most is that I really really want to get out of here!

I need to move ASAP before I really let her have it.

I can not deal with her anymore. We always pay our rent. I have bent over backwards for this woman and she literally has kicked me in the ass numerous of times, Sigh

 

To add icing to the cake, when I want to pick up the kids this afternoon I forgot my keys and I locked myself out!( I have one of those locks that automatically locks once you pull the door shut),

Great now what?? So I call my mother because she has a spare key of mine, for situations like this( I am forever doing this).

I ask her if she can bring over the keys. I can not go because I still have to wait for my oldest son to come home. I have no money on me as I didn't bring my purse, She says she has things to do and she is not coming to bring the keys. I am again upset and I hang up on her,

Now I know that I am wrong for being mad at her, Its not her fault that I am an idiot who forgot my keys. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't have been mad except that every freaking time I ask her for something either she gives me a hard time and puts me down or she says no. Today was a day that she said no.

Ok what to do? Only option is to wait till my son gets home, take a cab to her house(hope she pays for it without cursing me out too much) get the keys and then take the cab back home(then I'll owe her 20.00 but she'll act like I owe her a million) or I can see if I see my neighbor(who lives in the basement) and hope she would be kind enough to let me go thru a door that leads to the side of the building so that I can climb thru my window,

Ok, so option two was better for me, I seen her asked her and she said Yes,

So after clearing out the mess she had in front of this door which includes a big lion statue that is actually a table once you put the glass on top(where do people get these things?? It even has a penis geeeze) I finally get outside and see that my kitchen window is closed not only is the glass part closed but also the screen is down as well. God please open up the ground and let me fall in.

Now I have to not only climb up a really narrow fence, but also balance myself good so that I don't fall and break my neck(that's all I need). After 5 excruciating minutes the screen and window are open, I jump down then pick my middle son up and hold him while he is going thru the window. Finally he is in.

Thank goodness,

I am still very tense and frustrated right now and am on the verge of tears any second,

I dont know what to do anymore, I am tired of having to explain to people whatthey do wrong, They are not babies. If they can not see for themselves then why waste my time, I give up.

I give give give and give, I have no more left to give and frankly I dont want to give anymore, I sacrificed way too much of myself to make others happy. I always put everyone else before me, just so that they can like me, I am done,

If you dont like me then screw you, If you cant deal with my attitude then dont deal with me and stay away,

As for Ben if he continues this way, one day he is going to come home to an empty house, If I am going to be a single parent then I can be that somewhere else,

 

Sorry for the rant but I need to get this out!

Thanks for reading (if you made it this far)

Hugs,

Steph

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I feel worse than a drug addict! =) =(

Ok, just to let you all know (I think ya'll know already) I am NOT on Drugs! Well not the illegal kind anyway.

I am going thru some serious withdrawal side effects though.

Let me explain. As some of you may already know for the past maybe 4 yrs I have been on Zoloft 50 mg for Panic/anxiety disorder and slight depression symptoms.

I never wanted to go on prescribed meds but I couldn't take the constant feeling of not breathing correctly, dizziness, Etc.

So I finally made the decision to go ahead and take them.

It didn't take all of my anxiety away but it helped some with the symptoms. I wouldn't get it as bad.

Well I ran out of MEDS. I recently switched my private DR. She used to give me my prescription but the problem with her was that she would only come into the office at 1:00pm. Then she would take FOREVER to see me. She would literally spend about 20 mins to hf hr with some of her patients(most of them elderly. Then when it came to me , I would be out of there in about 5-10 mins tops. Not only did this make me seek another DR, but also the fact that she was very far from where I currently live.

So I did what I thought best and switched. Now the problem is that I am scared to go to this Dr because I am sure that he is going to give me a hard time giving me script for Zoloft. I mean he doesn't know me from mary or sue. Anyone can walk in there and say that they are on Zoloft. RIGHT? I mean I have proof. I have my pill bottle with all the info on it.

I was thinking that I should just try and stay off of it. I mean I hate when I run out of them and then I am desperate trying to get another refill. I now know how an addiction feel.

I was just telling Ben that if someone were selling them right now I don't care for how much I would buy them.

These withdrawal symptoms are really really bothering me. Every time I move it feels like jolt or shock runs thru my body. It makes me blink and I can hear like a whoosh in my ears. Not only that I am soo moody and irritated. The irritation may also be due to the fact that I am pm'sing right now.

I know this feeling is due to me not taking the pills because I only get it after not taking my pills for a long time.

I feel like crying right now.

What do you think should I go to the Dr, and get another script or should I hang in there and wait it out and finally get off this medication??

I hate this!@!!

I looked up some info on the internet and some people experience nausea, night sweats, headaches, etc. Lucky thing this is not happening to me right now. I couldn't deal with that!

Funny thing is the commercial for Zoloft says its not habit forming. What a crock of B.S!

 

I hope tomorrow I feel a little bit better. It's our last day of class at the Church. I don't want to be all depressed there.

 

On to other stuff. Thank you all for your opinions on my choice of dress. My daughter said she likes dress 1 and Ben said he likes Dress 3 and Dress 4. Ultimately it is now up to me.

I need to start seeing how we are going to do things money wise.

If only I had a credit card with a higher limit than 300.00 LOL. Well I only just started getting credit cards so my limit is going to be low for awhile.

I was thinking about a loan, but who is going to give me a loan. I dont work he does and the thing with him is that his credit is shall we say not so nice.

So I don't know what I am going to do. I mean he does get paid weekly but every week there is a bill. Like now April first rent is due... His portion to pay is 900.00. Also due on the 1st is our son's private van payment. That is 170.00. He just got paid this Thurs. He paid the cable, phone and internet bill. It was 200.00. He paid his cell phone 100.00. My cell phone 60.00. Plus house hold stuff... Of course take out food kills us. I know I am lazy sometimes, but if there is one thing I hate doing is cooking! So you figure there is no room for saving more than 100 a week. Even saving that by the time July comes we would only have saved 1200.00 and we need way more. "Sigh" We'll come up with something. If worse comes to worse we'll just postpone it.

 

I am sad. One of my good friends that I met when I moved here is moving this weekend to N.C.

She is leaving her husband of 14 yrs. She met him when she was about 16. He is about 10 yrs older than her. She said he is very controlling. He doesn't allow her to wear certain things. He also abuses her emotionally and mentally. He calls her names and puts her down. He also has physically assaulted her but she says she has done the same to him.

They have 4 little girls together. She says she is tired of having her girls in this enviroment. She doesn't want them to grow up thinking this is OK. The reason she is moving so far is because he ruined her status with Section 8. That is a program that pays a portion of your rent BUT you can not have anyone living with you especially a person you have claimed abused you. Well when they reconciled he purposely called Section 8 and told them that he was living with her. Now she owes them all that money and now they will not longer help her with her rent. She can not afford the rent by herself in NY, so she has no choice but to go by her mother's house. Her mother has property so after a few weeks of arriving her mother is going to give her a 3 bedroom house. I told her this is great for her. She is sad that her girls will be without their father. He is an asshole towards her but I will say that he is an excellent father and his girls adore him. Her girls will be very upset when they find out they are leaving their dad. My friend is now nervous that once he finds out that she has left Ny.. (he has no idea he thinks that she is going to stay with her sister out here.... Since they had to leave their apt thanks to him) that he is going to take her to court and try to take the kids away. I pray to god that it doesn't happen because she is a wonderful mom and she will not be able to live without her girls. I told her to promise to call me when she gets there. Please keep my friend in your thought and prayers. Her husband can be very nasty towards her.

 

Ben and I got into a little argument yesterday about his mother and her boyfriend. I got upset because I wanted to know if she was indeed moving out like the my damn landlord told me , but like always once it has anything to do with his family he puts this defense guard up and he starts telling me not to worry about what is going on with his family.

I in turn get upset because shouldn't I know what's going on? I mean I am his soon to be wife. He just thinks that I am against his family. I mean yes they do get on my nerves and do stupid shit that I don't like but I would never want anything bad to happen to any of them. I just think his mom needs to grow up and stop feeling sorry for herself and get her shit together. Yes I know times are hard and she if going thru some hard stuff but this is only because they chose to be irresponsible and not pay their damn rent! Now the landlady wants them out and they have nowhere to go and on top of that no money! I feel for her but its her fault.

I also dont agree with my stupid ass landlord in the way she has done certain things but it is her apt and she does deserve to get compensated for it even though there is no heat and she never ever made on repair. It is an illegal basement to top it all off. So of course she can not take my mother in law to court and of course my mother in law knows this which is why she isn't budging. AND has to deal with all the complaining ME THATS WHO. Everyday I have to hear about how my MIL is not paying and how badly she wants her out. Well if you would have did your shit the right way maybe you could have been taken her to court and she would have been out a long time ago!

I also do not want to see my MIL in the street. I don't wish that upon anyone. SIGH, We'll see what happens. Supposedly she was supposed to be out by today but they havent found a place yet so they're not going anywhere. Come Monday watch the landlady call and complain and whine and bitch to ME.

Ben and I are back to talking to each other as always.

 

Ohh yea we watched the first 4 episodes of House. I like it. It is almost like Grey's but without all the gossip and love triangles.

I would recommend it so far.

 

Ok that's it for now... See you guys got a real entry out of me LOL.

Goodnight and take care yourselves!

Hugzzz

Steph

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