Ok, just to let you all know (I think ya'll know already) I am NOT on Drugs! Well not the illegal kind anyway.I am going thru some serious withdrawal side effects though.
Let me explain. As some of you may already know for the past maybe 4 yrs I have been on Zoloft 50 mg for Panic/anxiety disorder and slight depression symptoms.
I never wanted to go on prescribed meds but I couldn't take the constant feeling of not breathing correctly, dizziness, Etc.
So I finally made the decision to go ahead and take them.
It didn't take all of my anxiety away but it helped some with the symptoms. I wouldn't get it as bad.
Well I ran out of MEDS. I recently switched my private DR. She used to give me my prescription but the problem with her was that she would only come into the office at 1:00pm. Then she would take FOREVER to see me. She would literally spend about 20 mins to hf hr with some of her patients(most of them elderly. Then when it came to me , I would be out of there in about 5-10 mins tops. Not only did this make me seek another DR, but also the fact that she was very far from where I currently live.
So I did what I thought best and switched. Now the problem is that I am scared to go to this Dr because I am sure that he is going to give me a hard time giving me script for Zoloft. I mean he doesn't know me from mary or sue. Anyone can walk in there and say that they are on Zoloft. RIGHT? I mean I have proof. I have my pill bottle with all the info on it.
I was thinking that I should just try and stay off of it. I mean I hate when I run out of them and then I am desperate trying to get another refill. I now know how an addiction feel.
I was just telling Ben that if someone were selling them right now I don't care for how much I would buy them.
These withdrawal symptoms are really really bothering me. Every time I move it feels like jolt or shock runs thru my body. It makes me blink and I can hear like a whoosh in my ears. Not only that I am soo moody and irritated. The irritation may also be due to the fact that I am pm'sing right now.
I know this feeling is due to me not taking the pills because I only get it after not taking my pills for a long time.
I feel like crying right now.
What do you think should I go to the Dr, and get another script or should I hang in there and wait it out and finally get off this medication??
I hate this!@!!
I looked up some info on the internet and some people experience nausea, night sweats, headaches, etc. Lucky thing this is not happening to me right now. I couldn't deal with that!
Funny thing is the commercial for Zoloft says its not habit forming. What a crock of B.S!
I hope tomorrow I feel a little bit better. It's our last day of class at the Church. I don't want to be all depressed there.
On to other stuff. Thank you all for your opinions on my choice of dress. My daughter said she likes dress 1 and Ben said he likes Dress 3 and Dress 4. Ultimately it is now up to me.
I need to start seeing how we are going to do things money wise.
If only I had a credit card with a higher limit than 300.00 LOL. Well I only just started getting credit cards so my limit is going to be low for awhile.
I was thinking about a loan, but who is going to give me a loan. I dont work he does and the thing with him is that his credit is shall we say not so nice.
So I don't know what I am going to do. I mean he does get paid weekly but every week there is a bill. Like now April first rent is due... His portion to pay is 900.00. Also due on the 1st is our son's private van payment. That is 170.00. He just got paid this Thurs. He paid the cable, phone and internet bill. It was 200.00. He paid his cell phone 100.00. My cell phone 60.00. Plus house hold stuff... Of course take out food kills us. I know I am lazy sometimes, but if there is one thing I hate doing is cooking! So you figure there is no room for saving more than 100 a week. Even saving that by the time July comes we would only have saved 1200.00 and we need way more. "Sigh" We'll come up with something. If worse comes to worse we'll just postpone it.
I am sad. One of my good friends that I met when I moved here is moving this weekend to N.C.
She is leaving her husband of 14 yrs. She met him when she was about 16. He is about 10 yrs older than her. She said he is very controlling. He doesn't allow her to wear certain things. He also abuses her emotionally and mentally. He calls her names and puts her down. He also has physically assaulted her but she says she has done the same to him.
They have 4 little girls together. She says she is tired of having her girls in this enviroment. She doesn't want them to grow up thinking this is OK. The reason she is moving so far is because he ruined her status with Section 8. That is a program that pays a portion of your rent BUT you can not have anyone living with you especially a person you have claimed abused you. Well when they reconciled he purposely called Section 8 and told them that he was living with her. Now she owes them all that money and now they will not longer help her with her rent. She can not afford the rent by herself in NY, so she has no choice but to go by her mother's house. Her mother has property so after a few weeks of arriving her mother is going to give her a 3 bedroom house. I told her this is great for her. She is sad that her girls will be without their father. He is an asshole towards her but I will say that he is an excellent father and his girls adore him. Her girls will be very upset when they find out they are leaving their dad. My friend is now nervous that once he finds out that she has left Ny.. (he has no idea he thinks that she is going to stay with her sister out here.... Since they had to leave their apt thanks to him) that he is going to take her to court and try to take the kids away. I pray to god that it doesn't happen because she is a wonderful mom and she will not be able to live without her girls. I told her to promise to call me when she gets there. Please keep my friend in your thought and prayers. Her husband can be very nasty towards her.
Ben and I got into a little argument yesterday about his mother and her boyfriend. I got upset because I wanted to know if she was indeed moving out like the my damn landlord told me , but like always once it has anything to do with his family he puts this defense guard up and he starts telling me not to worry about what is going on with his family.
I in turn get upset because shouldn't I know what's going on? I mean I am his soon to be wife. He just thinks that I am against his family. I mean yes they do get on my nerves and do stupid shit that I don't like but I would never want anything bad to happen to any of them. I just think his mom needs to grow up and stop feeling sorry for herself and get her shit together. Yes I know times are hard and she if going thru some hard stuff but this is only because they chose to be irresponsible and not pay their damn rent! Now the landlady wants them out and they have nowhere to go and on top of that no money! I feel for her but its her fault.
I also dont agree with my stupid ass landlord in the way she has done certain things but it is her apt and she does deserve to get compensated for it even though there is no heat and she never ever made on repair. It is an illegal basement to top it all off. So of course she can not take my mother in law to court and of course my mother in law knows this which is why she isn't budging. AND has to deal with all the complaining ME THATS WHO. Everyday I have to hear about how my MIL is not paying and how badly she wants her out. Well if you would have did your shit the right way maybe you could have been taken her to court and she would have been out a long time ago!
I also do not want to see my MIL in the street. I don't wish that upon anyone. SIGH, We'll see what happens. Supposedly she was supposed to be out by today but they havent found a place yet so they're not going anywhere. Come Monday watch the landlady call and complain and whine and bitch to ME.
Ben and I are back to talking to each other as always.
Ohh yea we watched the first 4 episodes of House. I like it. It is almost like Grey's but without all the gossip and love triangles.
I would recommend it so far.
Ok that's it for now... See you guys got a real entry out of me LOL.
Goodnight and take care yourselves!
Hugzzz
Steph
Wow... It's been awhile since my last entry. I don't know why it takes me forever to write. It's not like I don't have anything to write about. A lot of stuff has been going on, but I guess either I'm too lazy to sit here and write about it or I just don't know how to write everything down.
