Anger has just turned into pure sadness today.
Well it was a collection agency that went and put a hold on his account. They seen he had a substantial amount of money in there and then decided to act now. Basically they did not take his money. They can not that do that without taking him to court and suing him but they can put a freeze on it which would prevent him from being able to do anything with his money. Which they did do.. He owes about 3,000 for a card that only had a 200. limit on it. So basically now he has to reach a settlement with them. He told them that he would be able to afford 50 a mth , they immediately rejected that offer! Then he told them fine I'll give you 100 a mth. Still they denied it!! Fucking assholes want him to give them 500.00 now and then 100 a mth! There is no way that he is going to do that. We need that money for bills and rent. They are going to have to accept something lower than that or take it to court. I am sure they do not want to wait that long. Yes he owes them and yes he should have paid a long time ago but like everyone else when you are living paycheck to paycheck you can not afford to give away one extra penny. But now that it has hit him in the ass he has no choice to pay it so why cant they accept what he is willing to offer? "Sigh" I dont know what to do say or think anymore. We are both really stressed about this. So much so that we are arguing with each other over stupid things. Life is just too hard sometimes. You try and try and always something comes up. He works his ass off, we help people, we give people whatever we could, we try to live life as honestly as we could, We are not expecting anyone to give us anything but dammm cant we catch a lil break every now and again. When is God going to look at us and say ok its time you guys to have a little luck in your lives.
Another thing that has me down is a couple of weeks ago I lent my sister my laptop. She asked me to borrow it, I said no and she continued to harass me until I said yes. Well last week Saturday she finally gives me the laptop back and guess what? There is something wrong with the shit. I used it to do Saturday's PSP Class and to check emails. After the PSP Class I tried to go onto myspace and it wouldn't go. Any site I tried to access wouldn't load at all. I emptied out the temporary internet files and cookies I restarted it. Nothing. Of course she swears she did not do anything to it. She refuses to pay for it to get fixed. I told her that it was working when I gave it to her and its not working now so who else could have messed it up???? Like always I get the short end of the stick. My fucking family always finds a way to screw me over. Had it been me that messed something of theirs up they would have been cursing me to the high heavens and demand that I either give them the money for it or pay to fix it. But since its my shit and no one cares two shits about my feelings it doesn't matter. Now I have to pay for my own laptop to get fixed when it wasn't me who caused the problem. I have no enery anymore to fight with anyone. It wouldn't solve anything anyway they are total idiots who disregard anyone else's feeling and no matter if I screamed and cried they still wouldn't pay for a thing.
What does my mother say about all this.??? "leave me out of it". But like I said had it be the other way around this lady would have been calling me every name in the book and demand that I give my sister her money. I am so done... I can not do this anymore. I can not deal with family like this. I can not take anymore bullshit. It is all so overwhelming that all I want to do is sit and cry.
My anxiety is worse and I just feel like I am going to snap. I am dizzy all the time and of course feeling like I can not breathe. My bodyaches and every once in a while I get a bad headache. Lord how much more do you think I can handle? Why me? Why does my life have to be so difficult? Why do I have to have this problem with myself? I swear I could deal with all life's twists and turns if I didn't have to deal with this anxiety (or what they claim is anxiety). It makes it 10 times harder and 10 times just as stressful.
Who can I turn to for comfort. There is no one. No one who will understand where I am coming from because in order to fully understand you have to have went thru something like this or are currently experiencing something like this. Ben doesn't understand me, As much as he tries to he can't because he doesn't physically feel what I am going thru. I have not met one person who when I explain what I am feeling can look me in the eye and see Yes I feel like that too. I know how it feels.
Today I have done nothing, the kids wanted me to take them to this fair but I couldnt. I was scared to because I been feeling so dizzy and crap. Of course I cant tell them that. I dont want to scare them. SO they just think that I dont want to take them.
Anyway I can go on forever but I am not... I'll leave you with a real IM that I had with my mom about the laptop...I am going to add it to another entry because AOL says that I have exceeded the maximun amount of characters.... SIGH
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