Finally an entry.. It's funny how time flies for one thing but in others time couldn't go fast enough.
Things have been mostly ok. Of course they could be better but I gotta be gratful that I still have my life and my 3 kids are all happy and healthy. I have been online just not making any journal entries. Really didn't have the motivation to write. Most of my time has been spent helping Debbie with our group and messing with PSP.
Ughhh this heat is just killing me. I hate when its winter everyone is complaining how they cant wait till summer and then summer gets here and now we're all complaining about the damm heat lol.
I have never liked the heat and if I could move somewhere its always around the 50's I would.
Not much been going on lately. We celebrated my older son's and daughter's birthdays. Now I just have one more birthday and then we're done lol. We went to Great Adventures. The kids loved it and so did Ben lol. I didn't get on hardly any rides. For some reason this year I am a scaredy cat. My middle son was very disappointed that he couldn't join the others on all the roller coasters. He is the right age but he is just too dammm short lol. He is praying that he grows another inch or two before his birthday so that if we do go again this time he can conquer those coasters. Poor baby I seriously doubt its going to happen. He was cursed with the short gene from me lol.
Guess what? Those of you who have been reading this my journal for a while should know that my mother in law lived next door to me . You might also know all the drama that was going on with that. WELLLL she has finally moved!!! Yep she finally decided that it was time to stop being a freeloader and look for another place where she could freeload from. Unbelievable right? She went from having her own bathroom and kitchen to sharing them with another family.! And paying the same amount if not more for just a room, I mean I dont get people. Why couldn't she just pay her rent here and live a little more comfortably even if it was a basement apt.
The landlady had someone fix it up and now there is 2 bedrooms, a small living room and kitchen plus the bathroom, plus you get the backyard and all she had to pay was 600.00.
OHHH well her loss,
I am still not back on the zoloft, I thought everything was great because I was fine without it but recently I have been feeling anxious all day and a couple of times have even gone from anxiety to full blown panic attacks. I really do not want to get back on the zoloft again, I dont know if I am going to have a choice though, What scares me is that I was watching this tv program "Women behind Bars",. There was a lady who was locked up for killing her 5 yr old twin boys, She blames it on the zoloft that she was prescribed for depression, She said that it started to make her hallucinate and make her more depressed. This never happened to me but now I am scared what if this were to happen?.
The only side effect that I can see now that I have been off of it was that the zoloft would make me want to sleep all day. I also think that it somehow made me gain weight because I hardly eat and I have gained so much. I dont know but hopefully I can manage this thing and stay off meds for good.
What else? Well I am thinking about closing my tag journal down. Reason being is that I just dont have time to tag so many names. It's not fair to you guys to have to wait mths until you get the tag you requested from me. Either I close it or I just make it a snag journal since I am still making tags. We'll see.
I think its time for a journal makeover lol. I have seen so many journals that look awesome. I have basically neglected my lil journal so we'll see if I spruce it up a little.
This month Ben and I had a preganancy scare. My sister and I usually get our periods around the same time. She came over one day and said she got hers. UMMM Ohh No I havent gotten mine yet. So of course I freaked out. Started crting and praying that I was not pregnant for the next 4 days. I realiazed that I really do not want any more kids. It is too much with just, Imagine another. Not only that but a lot of people think about how cute newborns and toddlers are. But no one really thinks about the long term. Like even when these kids grow up you still have to worry about them and if they are ever in a jam we still have to be able to help them. This is a job that lasts forever and as they get older it only gets worse. I have 3 kids to out thru college, I have 3 kids whose futures I have to worry about. Its not all about buying cute clothes and buying them toys anymore. I am nervous about what the future holds, so with all I know that I do not want another kid to worry about. I am seriously thinking that I want to get my tubes cut. I just dont know too much about the procedure and I am scared that I am going to be in a lot of pain., Ben said he is willing to get a vasectomy but I told him he seriously needs to think about that. I told him I already have 3 kids that are mine, he only has one that is biologically his. What happens if we were to separate and he was to meet someone. He said that he wasnt planning on seperating and to him he has 3 kids and thats that. So I dont know but honestly I think that I would do it before I let him have a vasectomy.
If anyone knows anything about tubal ligation or who has done one please email me with some information. I would be very grateful.
Well I think that is all for today,. I will try to update more often but I'm not making any promises.
Love to all... Hope all is well with everyone.
Thanks for stopping by.
Hugs,
Steph
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